Do I know you?

She was returning from Iza, and while seated in the coy seat of the "Executive" class in the flying machine, she felt great. Because she had promised herself someday that she would fly back to the country in it. As she repeatedly blinked, she saw flashes of the life she left behind in the place she was returning to. Her family, her little daughter, her house, and even her husband, whom she had once married out of love. The rusted chains of matrimony came undone ten years after her daughter was born. She was thirty five then, and had discovered love in a twenty eight year old man by then. She wanted a divorce and she got it. She wanted the custody of her daughter, she did not get it. After all you do not get everything. Along with the man she fell in love with she went to Iza, where just an year back he died of a chronic disease. So now that she had lived her life, and was of sixty five, she wanted to look back. Her first husband had told her, " He might seem like a better man than me. But I am the father of your first child." These words rang through her ears all these years. She felt like, it was all her mistake and all the unending occasions when she felt neglected, was just some mistake. Some gory mistake. So she returned. And it was raining heavily. She took a cab till the hotel where she was to stay put. Then from there she decided to walk the same roads again. The roads where she met her first and second husbands were opposite to each other. Things have a way with irony, she thought. Each drop of the serene thing poured on her, gave a painful sting to her soul and body. "Was it me who strayed?", "Did I run away from my daughter?", "Was it me?", these questions kept eating her up in peices. She reached the gate of the house which she once lived in as a wife and mother, an unhappy one. "Mr.Burn, is it Mr.Burn's house?", she mumbled. "Yes it is. Please may I know who is it?", said a young girl. "I am, Mrs.B.......Mrs.Gunther, Mr.Burn's friend", said she, trying to hide the mistake she was going to commit. She knew she had no right to think of it. "Oh!, Please come in. I am Elizabeth, Mr.Burn's daughter.", said the pretty girl smiling. These words burnt her from within. She could not face it any longer. "I ... I am, Bella. I am Bella Gunther.", she said almost in tears. She could not hide her guilt. It was eating her soul up faster. Then she stood up, as up in a hurry,and said, "I am sorry I made a mistake, I need to go." She was half way to the door when Elizabeth said, "Mom...!" She turned back, and watched Elizabeth looking at her.Elizabeth turned back again and cried, "Mom! It is some Bella Gunther here!". Her mother rushed out, It was Miriam, Mr.Burn's sister. She came out running,saw Bella, and the room fell prey to silence. Elizabeth excused herself to make some tea for the ladies. The absence of Mr.Burn, no presence of any other woman and Elizabeth's calling Miriam "Mom", explained it all. Mr.Burn was no more, he did not marry again. Elizabeth was adopted by her aunt. Miriam said, after a lot of time, "Yes, Mrs.Gunther , Do I know you?". She had tears in her eyes, could not speak more. Rose from her chair. "It was one such rainy day, when I had said these same words to my daughter. I don't know if I said them to the rest of the family too. It is one such rainy day again, and my daughter doesn't know know I am. Some, "Mrs.Gunther".", and she began crying. She handed over a choclate bar to Miriam and said, "Too less for a compensation though, but give it to my darling." And quietly left the place. Later that same day, she was found lifeless in a Church.

Yumi

He was drenched every bit in it, the cold clear thing that dropped from the heaven. He knew not what the other creatures in the place he lived in called it. That was because he was not born among them. He was born someplace else but was picked up by some more similar creatures and put inside the jail and these few other creatures he lived with now, freed him from there. For now, he was shivering, and he was limping, because he had been kicked. Kicked by one of the familiar creatures, who had once hugged him so dearly that he felt there was no one who loved him more than him. He was not among them, but he knew what love was, because he had yearned for it when he was in the jail. White he was, but had no pride, and now that he was so wet, he looked sillier than any darker creature of his kind would look. He saw a shed and struggled to rush towards it. He was almost successful, but just the moment a car come and hit him. He was already dying, but the few last moments that he could still breathe were stolen away. The driver said nothing and just drove away, and neither did anyone around say a word. Back in the party by Martha Clara, the leading pop singer of those times, Kenny and Angel stood worried.

Kenny: Where do you think dad left Yumi?
Angel(worried): I don’t know but we have to look for him.
Kenny(concerned): Yes.(angry) How could dad just kick the poor creature so brutally on its belly and throw it out of the door this way?
Angel(sad): You know dad Ken, mom and him often fight and break things, and this time it was Yumi..
Kenny: Yumi wasn’t a “thing”, he was our playmate! He was our loyal guard! Our best friend! To dad he must have been just a dog…
Angel: True… Shall we go and look for him?
Kenny: Yes.

They left the home in the rainy winter night, looking for their dear old pet, who was left brutally several kilometers outside the warm shelter by his own owner, and just because of human rage, the momentary heat. It was so cold and Kenny and Angel knew well that Yumi had never been at ease without a sweater during these days. They ran from one corner to another. Finally, at the end of a street they found a dog lying lifelessly. Kenny took off his raincoat and wrapped Yumi in it, and Yumi made no noise. They took him to a shed and realized that their once cheerful Yumi was no more. He was wet and dead. The rains had washed away his pains and life.

Back home when things were calm, with Yumi’s body, Kenny approached his father. Kenny(teary eyed) :Look dad, here is our Yumi..
Father :Oh no… Is he dead?
Kenny :Yes he is.
Father :Why did you bring him home?
Just dump him somewhere. Its Unhygienic.
Kenny(crying) :Stop it dad…!
Father :We will get you another pup..
Angel :So that next winter monsoon you kick him harder and we can never even find him?

His father had no answer. It was just an animal to him, but his own animosity had killed Yumi. Yumi would never come back, and the children denied adopting a new pet. Every such winter monsoon night, the Father would cry in his heart remembering what he had done to someone who thought love was something that he gave him…

What is Wrong WIth my country?

"Terrorism"... Not a word.. not an idea.. It is an entire CONCEPT.
Ever wondered why it still exists? Because the base of it lies buried under thousand tales and has not even been touched.
Imagine the degree of brainwashing involved in the process that, the youth that was supposed to work for the betterment of the world is ready to kill itself along with many others. Whao.
Look at situations, how the concept has magnified to such a level that things are strongly and steadily going out of control. Each incident take away with it hundreds of lives, the army men the police men , the public.. all die. Their existence is nullified in moments of a strange killing instinct. "Public awareness"... What is that? And how on earth do we will to execute it?.. Is the general public armed enough to fight these terrorists who know nothing else than to kill? Think, such huge attacks being executed.. not a matter of mere passion for killing, think about how much capital is involved. Who gives it to them? How do they get it? Top shots? How? Why? When?
So many questions.. I am only asking... but whom?
Think, Ashish Choudhary(actor) Spoke to a news channel expressing how he had come running to find out if his sister who was inside one of those hotels was alright. Next day he is called to a hospital to see his injured sister.He goes with half hope half despair. The girl was not his sister. Later he comes to know, his sister has been killed. Random shooting. Blind shooting. Whao. Think, The Greek Millionaire. Stayed put inside the hotel to taste Indian Curry,and wouldn't go in spite of hearing gun shots. Walks towards the resturant. Gets shot, and dies.
Whao.

Think... A newly wed couple shot to death. Think... Children dead, parents dead, all dead. Think Sandeep Unnikrishnan died.






And politicians are showing their ego clashes by refusing to go to the place together. Whao.
And commandos are dying trying to save lives.Huh. And politicians are still "considering" the change of uniform. Whao.

Political will was required, rather still is. Ideological combat...? And place for real action?. Only meant for the fighters? And then they die? and Then their families are called for some ceremony? And then another terrorist attack? And then history repeats itself... And the empty drums that make so much noise on normal days... where are they now?.. Sleeping? or resting?? Whao.

India was supposed to be one country... No..? Somebody said something like.. "Unity in diversity".. thing... yes?? Or.. "Diversification and distancing in unity" ?? what was it..? or, "We shall never forget that we are individuals and wanna rest our asses on that "chair".. and watch a show.. an action movie.. ".. yeah..?
Whao.

Some thoughts that left me thinking

"It has to be the way it has always been.It is convention my girl.Convention.And we'd rather not think of changing it. It could bring upon curses."



Curses? What kind and what more? Is not it a curse enough to know what you could do and yet not do it, owing to some "convention" ? Who's fault is it? The elders say that the middle aged should continue with it. The middle aged say that the young should, and the young do it cause, elders told them to.And wherever individual thinking comes in any one of them, it is called being "unconventional" and hence, foul.
What is this system of marking things rotten and good? On what basis and criteria is it done?

And WHY is it done? Again convention? Why is not the convention sick and tired of itself then? And why is everybody obliged to do what people before them have done? and Why does i happen that people who walk off the beaten track are called "Intellectuals" if they have celebrity links, and "wrong doers" if they are commoners? And what is it to break the convention in the convetional way? Why not an unconventional breakthrough?







And what is this with the thinking of the beggars? Leaving a kid on the roadside fetches them more money? Is it so? People pity the tiny little things more? And give two coins more? Do they give books? Or any school admission form? Do they? Or do the parents of these kids even think that way? And what is with the kids who hurl curses upon anybody who gives nothing and passes by?





And what is it with the present day couples? One "love you" per minute is very "lovable" ? And when a break up happens then slangs are so cool? Hanging out together, fishing for compliments, giving gifts, saying a meaningless "I love you" every now and then. Real friends do more than this together.


Then there is this weird thing about hiding your age. What? Why can't you ask a woman her age? She would get older if you do so? Or would it decrease if you do not? She might be 55 but look 25 and may be that she is afraid tat you would know that. But anybody who can spell BOtox correctly yet hessitantly, ha used Botox. And is it some qualitative character of people to shout and scream when someone asks a girl her age? Often, the age reveals much more than just the wrinkles. And , maturity my friend, comes of the quality of time you have lived and not duration.Ask men. The know it cause they get to show it.

And why think about the Celebs so much. Why discuss their personal lives so very much? Why not stick to their performances just and enjoy them? What spice is there in the completely distasteful discussion of the bitchiness of any person who we have "known" and "understood" really very less of.

Then coming to personal levels. What makes you smile and happy today, how does it tend to nag and irritate you the moment it begins analysing you too?

Pecularity of the various aspects of so many things.

I have changed so much in the past three years. People call me an extrovert. And I barely remember having shared any part of my heart with most of them. say I am outspoken, and I do not remember a sngle person I have talked out my soul to.

Subdued, and very much within myself I am, and I know it. Various things from the past have made me think. Some thoughts have left me bewildered. And forever so much.

May be mundane to some very thoughtfull to some others, but somethings in my mind, do need to be vented out . :)

Enigma

Life is one enigmatic journey. An enigma of its own kind. Each life is distinguished with its own set of characteristics, and uniqueness. Sometimes, the uniqueness of this journey, makes it a tinge more complicated than its individual parts.

And maybe at those times, fighting and moving ahead becomes essential. So essential that you cannot breathe unless you have made some silent yet huge compromises with your own self. And still, this journey which makes you do so much to yourself, is enigmatic. And there is nothing even questioning the glory of this beautifully caked up walk in the natural plastic garden called “Human world”.

How about being able to take guilt free sneak peek into someone else’s garden? Steal some apples and yet not be caught? Sounds like a fancy , one which would not com true in real life. Because no body in their conscious selves, would let you know who they really are. Or more specifically, nobody would ever let you know or even understand in proper state, what would they do in a reply to anything adverse.

There was this girl, somewhere in the country, who lived a life on her terms. Had her own share of discreet ideas, and her own dreams to live up to. She was friendly, jolly, and very lively. She was the life of any gathering she was a part of. People yearned to have her with them all the time. That was what was the skin of her. But what about the flesh, blood, and bone? There ought to be some. There was this other side of her, a girl, who excelled at writing dark poetries, had the worst dreams and fought miserably with her brain. She had her own contradictions, her own apprehensions and her own limitations. But these never stopped her from being who she was. And, If things were to be put in simpler words, then it would be, that she was a matured young girl. The kind one could call a kid at times, but at other times, it would be her, even people years elder to her , would turn to for emotional and practical help.

She did everything that normal people would do, indulged in everything that was fashionable, and relished life just like she did her chocolate bar.

She was one of those queen of fantasies and enjoyed life like, there would never be another tomorrow.

Only one thing, she did not have a friend, a true one. Some one who could understand, who she really was and what she needed and not wanted from life. May be she was among many people, but she was not that complete. She was not completely happy with her soul, which required some healing.

So destiny has plans for everybody, and she was not an exception. But hers was a slightly different story all together.

She was sitting in her very own seat in the cyber café. Was chatting with some friends, and simultaneously, noticing everybody who were occupying the computers next to her. She was not really directly looking at them, that would make things very obvious and she would be left embarrassed, and that was surely something she ever learnt to be. So while she was typing in some words, a young lad came and sat next to her, the computer I mean.

He looked at her once, then twice and then over and over again. She tried not to look, but it was difficult with such random attention.

He :You know I am looking at you.
She : Sorry?
He: I am looking at you and you know that.
She: (pause) Well, so?
He: Go ahead and type what you were typing. (Laughs)

She felt snubbed, and continued with her work.

He: Who is it? Ryan? How do you know him?
She: Excuse me. What are you talking about?\
He: This fair skinned chap on your screen.
She: Look mister, I am not interested in what you do, so be away from my things as well.
He: As if, I did not notice you looking at me when I entered the café? And then you pretended as if you are very busy … No?
She: Whatever I do should be just my own concern. You are a stranger, and I shall prefer you to remain one.
He: English honors?
She: What?(irritated)
He: Nothing.

She continues with what she was doing. A minute later, gets up to leave.

He: You going?
She does not reply.

He: Hello madam. Are you going?
She: Yes. You got problems?
He: Of course not! Good for me if you go without logging out of your messenger. I could easily get your number , address, and everything else.
She: What non sense.

She hurries back to the computer, logs out and head towards the door.

He: You lost you basic manners when you were busy thinking about me?
She: Sorry?
He: Sorry seems to be the hardest word , to most, but you seem to be quite fond of it
She: Will you shut up?
He: No.
She: I have to leave now.
He: As if I stopped you?
She: Whatever.
He: All girls are same.
She: You may think so. Goodbye.
She goes out.

He continues typing.

Next day, when she comes back, unknowingly, she was looking for him, but he did not come.
But, she got a chat invitation from an unknown address. And it had a message along with it.

“I know you are looking for me but sadly, I have a super fast net connection at my place.”
She did not know what to do. She knew it was him, but if she accepted it, it would mean that she gave in to him. But if she did not, she would not get to tighten his nuts!

So she took the safer way out. Accepted the request, but pretended as if, he did not know who it was.

He:Hey
She:Hello!
He:Hey , you sound so normal online!
She:What?
He:Yes. I thought it would b the same cranky you.
She:I dono know who you are.
He:Lols. Stop lying ok?
She:Srry, I ain’t lying.
He:So, still talking to Ryan?
She: It you again?
He:As if you didn’t know and your heart wasn’t thumping hard?
She: Nonsense.
He:You!
She:Shut up
He:I came online for shutting evrything up?
She:Do whatever you feel like.
He:Feel like hugging you.
She:Get lost!
He:hehehhehe
She:Yea whtever
He:You think you are something lik the mysterious queen??
She:y?
He:No, bcoz u behave like one.
She:Smiles!! Well, you know Who I am then!
He:Yea.A pretender.
She:You enjoy pissing me off?
He:Just two days madam. Lot more to come.
She:Yea, I ill see.


He:You’d better.
She:I gtg now.Bbye.
He:Muaah!!
She:Get lost.
Signs out.

For five days after that he does not come online.

Sixth day, he comes to the café, and finds her there.

He:Will you join me for a cup of coffee?
She:What?
He:Coffee.Made of coffee beans.Well brewed.
She:I am busy.
He:No you aren’t.
She:How does that bother you.
He:May be it does.

Something happens to her, and she walks with him.
He walks endlessly till they reach a grocery shop.He buys a satchet of coffee powder.And then continues to walk.

She:What is this?
He:Coffee.
She:I can see that. But….
He:You will make two gud mugs of it
She:You are out of your head??
He:You are.
She laughs almost hysterically.

He:What?
She:You are a sample piece.
He:(gives a sheepish look)(chuckles)
She:Stupid!
He:Coming home or not?
She:I do not have any option left.(smiles)


They go to his home. A nice big one.

He:You know what?
She:What?
He:I wanna tell you something.
She:aamm…Wht?
He:You should have known it but then, I have to tell it to you.
She:Go ahead.
He:Go straight and thn take a left, you shall find my kitchen.
She:Non sense.(begins to laugh)
He::Go go!
She:Shut up!
He:Go na.. please..
She: Ok ok..

Both begin to smile in a way they had never before. It was something nice. Something beautiful.

While she was busy pouring the coffee in the mugs, he stepped into the kitchen.

He:Hey..
She: (Turns back)Yea hi..
He:I had never expected anybody to work in my kitchen. Not a girl atleast.
She:What..?
He:Yea, never seen a girl work in here.Never.
She:Never seen you mom in the kitchen or what?
He:No…
She: (pauses) I didn’t get you.
He: She passed away when I was five, and dad never married again.
She: Oh..I’m sorry.
He:Naah.. it is ok.
She: So, what happened next? Where is your dad?
He: He? Maybe in London now.
She:Maybe?
He:Yes. I was sent to live with my grandparents after that..Dad seldom wrote letters. Called up once in a blue moon. He was living with his girl friend.He did not marry and did not worry.
She:What the….I am sorry.
He:I am used to trying to control my anger. I hate him.
She:So where are your grand parents?
He:Grand dad passed away when I was fifteen. Grand mom passed away five days back.
She:Oh..
He:So that is why I couldn’t be with you.(winks)
She: You are…(pauses) I mean…(pauses)..I don’t know..
He:Acid tested.hahaha…
She:You are not lik what you seemed to be. You are nice.
He: uh huh!! Think again girl.. You always thought I am good, you wouldn’t come down home else wise… would you?
She: (smiles) May be.

That day had been, one of the pretiest examples of life for anybody who would want it!
She was finding a companion, and he already seemed to have found one. Both could recognize with each other in a way, they had never previously done. Things began to change. For most days, she would go to his house , instead of hanging around with her usual circle of friends, and the most noteworthy thing was that, she did not feel anything going amiss!

One of those days, they planned to cook together.
In the kitchen..

She: Wanted to ask you something.
He:Ask ask..(winks)
She:Why did you talk to me that day?
He:When?
She:In the café …
He:Oh!..Was just flirting….
She:Huh!
He:But there is something else to it too.
She:What?
He:There was something, that made me come back..
She:What??
He: You look like my grand mom….
She: (looks at him) I could kill you.
He: No no!! Seriously!

He held her by her hand, and then took her to his room. Askd her to sit down, and then pulled out something of the drawer, and sat down beside her.

He:Here, see…(hands her a photograph)
She: (takes a look) Wow…who is this?
He:My grand mom(smiles)
She:She is so, beautiful….
He:Yes, she was pretty.Very pretty. I wonder if my mom looked like her too.
She:She surely did. You haven’y seen her pictures?
He:Yes…I have.. But never too clear..
She: hmm..
He: (turning towards her) So you see, you look like her. My grand mom.
She: No ways! She is way too pretty!
He: Look at yourself, the way I look, you are the pretiest of all..
She: (lowers her eyes) Thank you..
He: (goes close to her) You dumbo, we were cooking….Come lets go…(winks)
She:Oh yes… (laughs)

Days, weeks and months… all passed by. And now, they were the best of friends.
There was nothing that was hidden. Nothing that was forged. Every fact was so clear and every expression was so well understood. Now they even did not have to talk to let each other know what they were thinking. Eyes could speak so well now. And they were working together on a social project. So that let them have , more time each day together.

Her parents knew him well. They began to trust him. It was all as if, It was meant to be this way always.Always.


One year now, things were good. But they had fights too. And had their own ways of soling their problems as well.

She:Where did yo keep your file?
He:Which one?
She:The Bio data, medical reports,couple passes one..
He:Why?
She:I kept my, discount coupon in that.
He:What for?
She:I needed to keep it safe.
He:You don’t have your own file or what? What was it I bought you the other day? A piece of rubble?
She:Shut up..
He:What shut up? Why did I buy it then?
She:I was with you that time when Igot it, came down to your place after that, so, I kept it in your file.
He:It is my file for God’s sake!
She:So I should’nt have kept it there?
He:Yea absolutely..
She:Okay… Fine. Buhbyee.I have to leave.(moves to leave)
He: (moves towards her)What for?
She:No. I am sorry. I forgot my limitations…(heads towards the door)
He:What!...Fish!!.....(hold her hand)Don’t go.
She:I have to. And yes, I am sorry.(looks downwards, hiding her teary eyes)
He: (Raises her face up) Awww no!! No no!Don’t cry. Please.. No! Keep all your coupons in my file, keep all that you want anywhere..But don’t cry please!! (hugs her)
She: Shut up….(rubbing her tears) Go get lost. I don’t want to talk to you.( half laughing)
He:All right… alright …my baby’s laughing… ok ok… Smiling?.. yea yea!! (pulling her cheeks)
She: I hate you!
He: I love you too!
She:Huh…! Loafer!
He:Naah… just flirting around…(winks)
She:Loafer!! Duffer! Dodo!!
He:Yea, yea whatever..(laughs)
She:Shut up..
He:Coffee?
She:Yes…
He:Go make it..
She:huh!!

What they said to each other, what they felt, was just among themselves. Just so secret, that often even they did not know what they were sayin to each other.
Who would ever not want to be so innocentlyin love? So innocently that they themselves knew not what it was? Or even if they knew, they would say not what it was…


She:You , loafer, I wanna have some ice cream
He:No
She:Yes!
He:You’ve got flu..
She:So..??
He:So I had to pick you up from your place.
She: So..?
He:I am taking care of you.
She:So…??
He:So what!!! ?? No ice cream! That is it!
She:What nonsense…
He:You..
She:Shut up…(looks at him angrily)
He: (keeps staring at her) I could… Only if you promise you would sit like this, infront of me, forever.
She: (glances at him.)What?
He: (regaining his senses) No.. what?? Oh.. nothing..
She:Mad ..?
He: (laughs) Yepp..
She: I knew, I knew! Hehehe..
He: You sure you know…?
She: Evn if you don’t say it.. I know…( lowers her eyes, smiles)
He :Nice… (realises something) (Slaps her lightly on her cheeks) Wake up!
She: Only if you wake me up…
He:(glances at her)What?
She:(regaining her senses)No….nothing…

But how long, could they both, hold in an obvious secret? The knew each other so well, that they knew it too, that they were hiding a sweet little secret, with perfection unmatched.
And what more? They both were in collaboration! But now, words, somehow changed their route from eyes to lips.

He:Ever thought of a candel light dinner?
She:With?
He:Amm..Well anybody..
She: No..
He:Why?
She: I don’t know..You?
He: Yes..
She: (brightens up) Who who??tell me!
He: Someone..
She: Duffer, who??
He: Told you , someone…
She: Tch! Tell me!
He: You..
She: We had it already! Don’t remember? That day? Lights went off?
He: Yes, and you fell on me.. (laughs)
She:Yes.. and you didn’t utter a word!
He:How could I ? It wa a dream come true..
She: What? Lights going off?
He: Naah… you won’t get it.
She: Me falling on you?
He: (smiles) Perhaps..
She: Why?? Huh! What was so funny in that?
He: Not funny you dodo! It was nice.
She: How come?
He:I got the touch of your face, for the first time.
She : (lowers her eyes) amm.. oh. Ok..(shy)
He: Hey, what happened?(pushes her)
She:Nothing..
He: You look gorgeous..
She:Loafer.!
He: No.. really.
She:Yea?
He: Yes..
Will you let me hug you once?
She: I am surprised! You’re asking me? (goes ahead to hug him)
He : (Stops her) (looks into her eyes) Mind being with me forever? Just like this? (hugs her)
She: (hug him) (looks at him) Loafer…. What happened?
He: Nothing except that, I realised that I have never flirtedwith anybody else than you..
She : (shrugs off..) Oh, so you want a girl friend? Go ahead.. Go to other girls. I won’t mind.
He: You would..
She: You really wanna go? (almost crying)
He: I want a wife..
She: Oh ..ok… good.
He: I don’t plan to flirt with anybody else. I don’t plan to even look at anybody else. But somehow, I wanna know, does looking at just one girl , wanting her and loving her make you a loafer?
She :What? No! That is love!
He: Who is it for me then? Ten hours a day you are with me. Rest of the day I am either a work, or sleeping. So?
She: So?
He : Would you be there forever?
She: Of course…….But why?
He: Why..?
She:Yea..
He: Coz, I look at you. I like to. I listen to you speak endless. You make no sense. But I like it. Coz, I need you to be here even when you are sick. And I want you to be here all the time. Coz, I wanna flirt around, just with you. Coz I wanna be the only man you trip down on. Coz I wanna be the only person, who you would hug so dearly . Coz, I wanna be your loafer, for life….
She: Coz you wanna be my husband….
He: No.. Coz I already am.. But wanna confirm it.. (winks)
She: Loafer…
He: Only for you.. (hold her close to him) Say it once na duh! (smiles) I love you silly girl!
She : (blushes)(smiles) Me too.. I love you too loafer..
He:So, you’re my wife?
She: You’re my husband… so what else can I be to you?(winks)
He : Hmmm.. coffee?
She: You make it!
He: Oh yes! Why not? Day one eh! (laughs)
She:Practice..practice…(winks)

They got married formally , three months after that. And now, they stayed together always.

He: You know what? You are stupid!
She: What?Why?
He: Coz, …..I love you.
She: (smiles) You are more stupid than I am…
He: Yeah?
She: Yeah.. I love you na!
He :Yeah.yeah..
She: (hugs him) Yeah…
He: Awww… my wife… love you(kisses her)

They had so much love to give each other. But somehow this love, was not enough to give them a child. She, could not be a mother. It was diagonised, when even after two years of marriage, they did not have a baby.
But, the sacred enigma, that life is! It has plans, knitted for every soul. Every blessed soul.
Before this, she had never found herself, so much in love with someone.
And never before did she feel so incomplete. But when, the person you are married to is all that makes you complete, how can you keep the enigma an edge far.

One evening,

He: Coffee?
She: (in a dead tone) Yes. I made it.
He:Eh! Of course! Hey , but come, lets make it again.
She :No. It is ok. We have enough of it in the flask.
He:Dodo….(looks at her) I am here. With you.
She :(almost crying) So what do I do now? (crying) Why….me lord!
He: You know something?
She:What?
He:I am not my parents child.
She :(startled) What?
He: Yes. They had adopted me. When I was a small kid. I don’t know if mom loved me. But I am sure dad didn’t. He left me to my mom’s parents. They loved me. So, here I am.
She: (looks at him) Baby..? Baby…. You know it all? (crying) (hugs him)
He: I know it all. So.? Am I crying like you dodo?
She:But…
He:But what?
She: No…
He: Yes. We will bring out child home soon. And we will love him or her . A lot. We will. You trust me love?
She: (breaks down crying) I love you…
He: I love you too..

Enigma. That is life.
Hey Don’t me. I just allowed a sneak peak. And, the rest is their life. Just think , if life, just a part of it, looks so beautiful, how enigmatic is life for real?

How?

Somethings just tend you make you feel terrible, only when you thought you could begin to feel good. But then, handling such times, depends upon , how many such times have you handled before this . At times, I become rigid, do not let any little or big thing affect me in any way. But , now, I feel like letting myself free! How? .
I want to ease out for a change! Want to take everything lightly, and in my stride. And not just do it to show some pests that I can ignore them, but actually do it. Do it with sense and meaning.And also with reality. Say, how about smiling at a person you dislike, and actually mean to be nice?.. or may be, cook the dinner , and make it very very tasty!! And the only person to eat it , would be you...? Not that serving others is bad, but then, .. I want to do something just for myself! Just and only for myself!!
May be, dance in the rain like a frenzy creature, then take pictures and laugh at myself!
Or may be, drink a hell lot of sugar less coffee and be happy with it!! And making chocolate face packs , using then generously !! Gorging on dark chocs!! Dipping my full hands into buckets of chocolate sauce!!, then licking my own hands off!!! Then may be, mix the entire jar of strawberry jelly with vanilla ice cream!! Yummmmmyy!!
Then take numerous tours of my own home singing the same song over a million times!!
Then bathe in water with my favorite oils, and feel absolutely gorgeous! (i don't know what made me say that)....
Then with my hair half wet, I would put on my favorite black dress in light synthetic.. put on just a little lip gloss and some kohl "!! And then innocently stand in my veranda, munching on my snackies!!



So, that is HOW~!!!

A page out of the lover's personal note copy.~ "AK"

Yea, that is the name of one very important person in my life. AK came like a gush of soft wind.. made me feel as if life was something i couldn't move forward with hadn't AK been there.

AK had been in love before. With AK's high school sweetheart.. M. M had loved AK well, but M had to leave for Canada.. and AK was left alone. I had been in love before too. But that love soon died.
Never thought in my wildest dreams that AK too, would leave me.

26th APril 2008 was the day when AK told me....about the love...we shared...and I readily told AK..that it was all so true. Though we were on internet..the moments we spent together were rare and precious...were something.. may be.. some how .. AK forgot..

these are AK's words which still pinch me hard :

okie here we go then ....



on this perfect day ......26th April 2008 ...

me (AK) announces you( A ) my sweetheart ...

How does Ak expect me to forget all that..???

AK said..

tussi to ho gaye ho pagal....le revised version of this waala scrap<<<>>>>>










we r 2gether......
free of bonds ....
free of pressures....
and on will.....



of ! course both of us know we aint be holdin hands in 3d world.......

but as such we hve been in the rain....( i hope u remeba).....in fields.......i dnt knw if ppl can have those emotions which we just felt thru the words.........



frnd ?
no .........u wan me 2 tell u everythign an whatever i feel like......to have no doubts ova it ...i will tell u ....

but i just want to remain ur AK ...nt a frnd ........

and u will be forever with me .......


You wanna know where AK is, and what happened between us?
I donot know.
Ak left me. Without even telling me. AK vanished. AK's Id was longer valid.
I didnt have Ak's number.
Ak was lost.

He forgot the way we fell in love, while it was raining. He Just forgot, how he admired me in my pink salwar. He forgot how we couldn't help looking at each other, when he saw me for the first time, from beneath my verandah....


Once I had asked AK.."What if I leave you and go away?? What If i vanish??"

Ak told me ," why u ask such questions ? when u will vanish all of a sudden .....
my first thought will be .....SHE WILL BE BACK wherever she is !!...( i ll be a lil irked also )..."

Ask AK to come back.
Please.

How dare you..

" { What the hell do you think you are? Who do you think you resemble? My dad?or my grand dad that I am supposed to listen to every little instruction you have to give me?? And how dare you even expect me to be patient while you are orating your whole lot of memorized crap that may be your forefathers have been giving away to your mothers and grandmothers...?? How dare you even think I would come over my wish of making it big in life and be just at home cooking may be some oily food stuff which would help you and your beloved brothers to add to your paunch? You trying to earn back all the money you spent on those bouquets and cakes??.. take it back you with interest .... but.... GET lost...
Ever tried spending you time in the joggers' park trying to shed some of your "obvious" weight round your thighs and belly??... and you say you are a hunk?? a stud??.. And to top it up you feel you are manly?? .. You ain't even man enough to be called a man. And Mr. whtsoeva.. take it into account that I am surely gonna give you a big electric shock when you even try to touch me. You are so darn dirty and you stink so much. Why did I even say a yes to you?? Was it all LOVE?? well.. it is all gone.. Gone with the winds... and may be i would prefer passing it on to one "Lean", "Studious".... a trust worthy.. MAN.. than sticking to you. Your multi brand glares.. don't give me even a decimal percentage of liking for you. All that could help you was, your sense of humour... but of course.. "you" now look like a "joke in motion" to me..Your hulk of a bike...has nothing to do with me feeling great about having you in my life. You are one big.......JERK. And if you still do not know, I dont need you anymore. You can kindly just puch off... Just get the hell out of my life. And dare not come back. } "

I was thinking all of this when one of my friends was telling me her story of her guy asking her to give up her salsa classes, her job, and to start learning to make some food item... so that after marriage she could do it all day long. He wanted her to let her parents know that she should bring at least a lakh or two to establish her life soon after the nuptial ceremonies. She asked me to place myself in her shoes and think.. of what would I do.

I know i am violent. But im ok with it.

Somethings said, and most of it unsaid.

[Two of them sitting in a park They are friends. They are.. umm.. well.. a little strange]

Girl>
In love, can it happen that the guy, says that he feels a little absurd when the girl cares for him, when he himself cares for her and it shows?

Boy[thinking, my god...Should i answer that?...clears throat]>
Amm.. well, guys are immature, they know it, but don;t like being protected snd cosseted for that makes it very apparent...[smile]...

Girl[smiles]

Boy> Not fair.. these are secrets... [laughs]

Girl>[chuckles]
And when he is caught red handed, he says that it is some "principle" that he follows... [laughs] Men will be men..

Boy>[slightly frowning]
Indeed for if hr doesn't he is dismissed as ruthless,and if he does, he is protective and possessive..alas.. Women would be women..

Girl>
And when he talks about "space", he is being sensible, but when she does, she definitely has some second affair.. Men I tell you.

Boy>
You must be talking about the "man" and not men..[winks]

Girl>
The "the man" for me, hasn't even come in my vicinity. Nor has his clone. Not even his Wannabe clone...

[thinks..]
Boy[about to speak]

Girl>
In fact, there couldn't ..rather shouldn't be a clone to him..[smiles]

Boy>
Hmmmm.. Better....[winks]

Girl>
I know I cut you short on the long speech you were preparing.....aam...well..guessing you know.. [winks]

Boy>
Could be. Well yea, high possibilities..

Girl>
Ahan.. Make up is a good way to hide wrinkles. [winks] I like it...

Boy>
And now you are nubile.. Cheeni kum? [winks][laughs]

Girl>
What? where did that come from? And no.. ..Slightly little more sugar please.. I like it a little sweeter..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, what was all this?
Somethings, are just so pretty... just so wow... just so..............ummm well... let it be in the heart...

From time to other times..

Nothing is static. Nothing stays forever. Nothing lasts forever. Yea awrite, that bit was an inspiration from Sidney Sheldon. Look I am honest to admit it. But then coming back to why was I saying it at all. There have been things which can keep a mind rattled for hours, sometimes weeks together. There are again a separate set of stuff which keep you engrossed for months or may be years together. Now, these things are generally thought to be as, depressing and blue thoughts. But no. There can be a difference. And a big one at that.Can be a strange difference. No.?
Like I will give you an example.

I bet you would remember , that one hot "paratha" your mom made for you, and served it to you, with some tasty "aam ka achar". Or you would forever remember what your first boy friend or girl friend did for you to make your birthday special. Or you would surely, remember all taht makes you feel even a little happy. And at times, some of these instances, keep you engrossed for a lifetime.

Like, this one incident. I had begun loosing it all at some point of life. There was this guy in my class. And I am not the kind of girl who calls her "classmates", "friends". But somehow, he became a great friend. A very good one. And we ate tiffin together. We played all silly pranks on each other. We did all nuisance. We were just awesome together. In a class play we even played husband and wife, who would always fight. And truly enough we always fought. We always said irritating things about each other, but nevertheless we would not leave each other alone for even a fraction of a second at school. All our friends thought we were in love. But the fact is, we were not. And trust me, come over all movie fancies, there can be such great intimate friendship. He was one such. One day he told me that someday he would go away from the country, and that I would have no such great a best friend ever. I laughed it out. And truly he went away. He went away from the country , he went away from the school, he went away from me. And before going, he told me that he loved me. I was stunned. I could expect it from anybody but not him. But the truth is that, i wasn't in love with him. And i felt bad for him. And I felt bad that i felt "bad" for him. I always thought we were meant to make fun of each other. It took him some good time and some terrible fights, to make him understand that I wasn't the girl for him. And he understood. He has had about 25girl friends since then. And not it has been about two years.

But see, We are friends again. Though net friends now. But still, the friendship has carried on, on a good note. Look how things captivate your life? The very fact that I said all this out, proves it.

And again, I was reading a certain book. It took such a toll over my thoughts, that I could not continue reading it. I just could not. It took me to some other world, from where I could not return. I struggled to avoid all such thoughts which killed me and my inner self.But I wasn't. SO I stopped reading it exactly at the point of time when I thought that I would die if I did not drown into its dark ecstasy. I won over it. I won over my fear of loosing myself. I emerged as myself yet again. I have the memories of smiling to myself, when I realised that I had done it.That now, no thing could bind my senses. It was just me and me. It still is.

Look how captivating some things are? Such things are going to let me feel good about myself forever.

Life, is fascinating. It moves from time to other times...

enuf o butter gimmer sum cheese now..

I dunno how many o u wil undrstnd this... but here goes...

My latest poetry...

Jis shaqs ko bhi jaan gaye hum,
usne humein jana nahi..
Jaan bhi gaya ho agar ,,
Usne apna mana nahi
Yaadein sanjokar uski,
jab hum aagey badhne lagey..
Usne humari raah ko,
Apni raah mana nahi..
Kisine humein pehchaana nahi..

Pehchaan humari, unke liye,
Ban gayi ek sawaal,
Jo pooch baithe woh har kisise se,
Kiya kuch aisa kamaal,
Ki bharosa humara khud par se hi,
Uthne laga tha..
Dilasa nahi tha humko koi,
Dil tut ne laga tha...
Aise halaton mein bhi,
Kisine apna mana nahi..
Dil ke tukde karte rahe,
Par jodna jana nahi..
Kisine humein pehchana nahi..

Lessons

Not being able to defy yourself at times can be so annoying. Some times, you just feel like not taking hints, but then, the nature of the hints is just so "......" that you cannot overlook. You really do not want to fall for the same conclusion again. but some how this same conclusion sounds so different this time. Yo keep convincing yourself that whatever you feel is wrong and has nothing to do with reality. You keep telling yourself that it is just a "Waking wish fulfillment". But your inner feeling captivates your mind and soul.
All this might happen to any human. It is natural. For some good time I have been disturbed over an issue. And now I feel so confident that I am over it.
Here is a list of things I learned.

*The biggest love is self love. However selfish that may sound.

*You have to beat the hell out of an insane person to set him straight.

*At times, even your family members would not understand what you feel. They would itch the hell out of you. Would humiliate you in front of every non sense... At that time, you can not help loosing your temper.And if you do, you are humiliated more.

*It is OK to have terrible verbal fights, using all sorts of slangs, when you know that would help fight for your cause.

*There is gender bias everywhere.

*You must not expect your parents to agree with anything you say.

*You were born alone. You will die alone.




Truth often stings.

Wht d heck

omg..i do not blv this... lol.. dnt ask me wht hppnd... u wont blv me...

lol..


shay..i was already dreamin of it.. i knew dad wud bring along tht choco pastry and tht tart... for us.. i knew i knew.... :D and I also knew tht i wud have my new iPOD today... goodness.
I knew I would be given new cell too.. i was just too sure of it... had my dreams ready...lol...

man....u won;t blv this...i wanted all tht n i knew it wud happen..

but none of it did.

Where is this going?

I don't know. I feel weird now. Do not feel like talking to anybody ,do not feel like even eating anything, just do not feel like even looking at the television. What is wrong with me? It is raining cats and dogs now. I had my unit test commencing today, but owing to to fabulous weather, couldn't even make it to 5o feet near to my school. I feel I need to be with some body. I know who that some body is. I have been in constant touch with that some body for quite some time now. But no, we are not romantically involved. In fact, we are two heart break souls. Things took a massive turn for both of us. But wait, where is this going? Why am I finding it difficult to even express myself? Why is that I still want to be with that somebody...constantly for all the time now?

It feels terrible now

Well tell me one thing. What on earth have you got to do with whatever I do with my life? or whatever has happened with me? There is this particular "forced" brother in my life. I met him online and he instantly started using endearments, such "kiddu", "lovely little angel", "my baby sis", "sweetheart".. and what not. Pure form of crap. What the hell... "kiddu" is the name my soul sister calls me by and how dare he use all those names for me? Who gave him that damn well permission? Its my name ain't it? And I can not associate with such a stranger on such a personal level. And then when I told him tht "look mr.what so ever..i am barely interested in talking to you....so please do me the favor of getting out of my list please.", this is what he had to tell me..
"daa..you are angry with your bro huh?? please don't do this to me daa...kiddu...i know you want to talk to me.. tell me daa.... what happened?"... I mean what shit is that? I said it clearly that i DO NOT WANT any fraction of him in my good life, but what does he think he is?
He promised me he wouldn't talk to me again, but he came back begging me to become the angel i had been when i was behaving in my "usual" self. How the hell is he supposed to know what my usual self is? I told him clearly that I would end up being the biggest bitch he has ever seen if he didn't leave me alone.

He told me that everybody was leaving him alone and that he is leaving that socializing site..I was so damn happy. I even said a thank you to him, but that half headed moron told me that he was happy that at last I talked to him. What the hell does he think he is? And he still hasn't left the site and he won't even delete me. And i do not have that cheap time and energy to look for him in my list. He is waiting for his "girlfriend" to give him his new number before he leaves the site... Goodness.. please girl give him the number fast. I have had enough of this crap in my life now. And It feels terrible now.

Dumb , Dumber ,Dumbest

It is so obvious that I am speaking about various facets of my own self..I have been so incredibly dumb. I learn music, and now I am in the fourth year of it. But in these four years, not a single day have I taken, practicing the stereotypes seriously. I always thought that it was enough if I sang the music I liked, and particularly would be more happy singing.I love studying, people. Yes, and not books. And again I was dumb enough to make it clear to all my tutors that I barely cared about how much hard work they were putting into teaching me a lesson that they in turn were again taught by somebody who had no love for the subject, but did it just because he had to earn something out of it. I was just a little mesmerized by the way a pregnant woman was carrying a heavy water bucket with her and since I was so jealous of her expertise, I snatched away that bucket and took it all the way to her place, even when I was dressed for the pub. So very dumb of me.
That was just dumb. And now let me share how did i manage to get dumber.
There was this guy, who thought I was going around with him, although I was not. And he all of a sudden snapped all contact and I found him proposing to another girl. And he didn't really know that I know of it. But the moment he came to know of it, he had all letters filled with apologies. I got dumber just here. I made it clear to him that it made no difference to me , because he was never more than just a friend. How wonderful of me? In fact, I even had the "dumber" idea to make him realize that friendship was the best thing that could happen to two people. *sigh* how dumber could I get?
Another dumber act. There was this shopkeeper, in my market place, who was trying to charge a thousand rupees from a foreigner , for a dress we could get for a hundred and fifty. I got dumber again. I told the lady that she was being cheated, and that she shouldn't buy that thing for a penny more than two hundred. *Dumber*.. I was sooooooooooooo dumb. Didn't even realize that the "poor" shopkeeper, who wore a modest safari suit in the finest linen, needed some "foreign investment" into his business.

Now, the dumbest part of it.

This also made me know for sure that I ain't as fashion conscious as the peers around me. Come on, spitting on the walls, and make them red and colorful. Making them look as if there is so much of freshness around. So much of redness around. I , the dumbest possible creature protested. And of course, all i deserved was a good repulsion.
That is nothing.
One of my friends , was in a dilemma. She didn't know whether she should marry her childhood sweetheart, even when his family asked for a small dowry of about a lakh or two. Even when, she came from a rich school teacher's family. I was dumb enough to try to solve her problem, and tell her to opt out of this life time contract which would ask for deposits every now and then.
I am so dumb. Ain't I ?

A different mood..

Oh yesh.. i feel at the top of the world for some weird reason today. amm...
and whatever you read now is meant just for you...so say cheers... lol..

First, a warm tight hug for you... you deserve it.. you are so special to me... in fact I couldn't think of a day without you with me.. aamm.................................. i just feel like being with you all the time..so much so that .. may be I would even agree to cook all day long, only if you say you would stare at me through all of it.... I could sing, i could dance and I could do anything for you...

I don't know.... amm... oh kiddu...ur so special to me... my chweety... my baby...

I dunno why I write all this.. but I get a greaaaaaaaaaaaat feleing having done so... heheh....

Come on.. its a different part of me.. wow...

wht is happening to me???

"Life", where it exists

She lives in one of those slums people generally visit only to make survey reports. She dresses in plain simple cotton dresses. Her hair is pale brown ,rough, and has lost all the glamor it had few months back. She has no money now. Not that she ever had something which people could point out, but at least she went to a school, studied and had always thought that she would be a nurse some day. I did not know her. Just that even I intended to conduct a survey and this particular slum was the closest to my place. So, there was I, dressed in pure white formal clothes, to give an offical touch to my apperance. Sunglasses on my head, hair tied into a decent pony tail and, with a serious look on my face. She wasn't the earliest people I saw there. I surveyed an old woman , then a young boy, then a middle aged man and then her, Amrita. I could see, all people of her age playing near the railway lines, but she was sitting in her room, mothering her little brother. I needed to survey a couple now, for some more details of the place.
So, I went upto her and asked her, " Please could you tell me where your parents are? Would like to talk to them."
She smiled at me and said, "You will have to wait for some long time to meet them."
"umm.... They are not at home?"
"No, they are in our second home."
"Ok. What does your father do?"
"He was a laubourer. "
"Not anymore? What does he do? What does your mother do?"
"They left doing anything I can think of. Or Even you can."
"I didn't quite get you."
"They went some where else, to stay with each other only. They are a happy couple. You don't get to see such people together, often. "
I smiled.
"May be they are out of town.May be for some work. May be she doesn't know what they do" These were my thoughts at that poit of time.Thinking that she was still a small kid, I left the place, and headed towards my car. She came back running to me with her brother tighly cluchted in her small arms.
" My name is Amrita. And he is my small brother. Pray that their souls rest in peace."
I could not belive what I heard. She still believed that they were a happy couple. She still believed in their existence. I just stared at her. Gave her a little money, and drove away.

"Life" is where you see it. Even in the dead. I learnt it.

A time to contemplate

You, as a human, can do things in various ways and do anything you want to. Even if not the real world, which you have built in such a way, that you would have to struggle to climb the stairs to it, your own mind, can be the stage for your performance. Tear open the black cover, which keeps you, away from the stream of light. Burn yourself in the sun, the whiteness you possess is the proof of your ignorance. Romance the zephyr, let it tingle you everywhere, let it remind you, of the soul , you have let live in your self, and let it awaken it. Flow with the sweet water, which touches the feet of the pebbles, and runs away to some where else.

Sit in an empty room, make yourself comfortable on your cushion. Breathe in deep, and exhale slowly. What are the things you feel you need to think about? And when onwards have you been feeling so? Try to get some answers for yourself. Take a small sip of the coffee you have in your mug. Tastes good? No? Perhaps, tastes as it always had.

Coming back to contemplating.. So which part of your thought makes you feel uncomfortable? Which person, which incident, which thing or which part of you? May be you know it well. Yes? Take a second sip of the coffee, its going cold. Or did you say no? think again.. you might as well know it, or may be you don't know if "it" is the thing? Yes? feel so? Come on, take a sip dearest. Coffee is a good thing to keep the conversation going, whether with somebody else or your own self.

Now, take a deep breathe again. You have been contemplating. Smile once at least.. Drink your coffee... take a nice nap. You need it. Sleeping well, is a good way to contemplate. And whenever you feel, you need to detach from the real world, to a better one, is the time to unconsciously contemplate.

Take care.

No thoughts

At times, even when you have the things, you possibly have yearned for years or even weeks back, you don't really feel as if things are going to a destiny you could feel comfortable with. I don't know if it has ever happened with you, but this is the recent flavor of life, forced upon me, by my own self.
I'm feeling so stoic, so empty, and so thoughtless. It feels as if, all my feelings and emotions are being sucked in by some vacuum cleaner and being deposited in some paper bag, which I have no access to. Feels as if somebody forcefully whitewashed the walls of my heart, and left no trace of the mirrors, the paintings and the memories, I had decorated it with. Now I feel like taking a huge hammer and hammering down these empty walls. They shouldn't be with me. These walls, though empty now, remind me of a time when they had all the colors on them, which could make me call my life, "beautiful". There were chances, when I was asked, whether I would prefer a shade brighter or blunt, but I denied. The color and the hue of it, I was in love with, wouldn't seem like itself, anyways, anymore. I agreed upon having no colors for my walls at all, didn't quite know it , that it would make me feel so dead about my existence. But then again, by virtue of my nature, I did, manage to desire to break these walls, and live just on the floor.That i all I needed. Wants were different though.
So now, the walls no longer exist, but I had been habituated to them. So it pains, a little bit. The things which held me back when i had no clue about where to go, left me in a jiffy, for things i never even though about. And I can be honest enough to admit it that, I don't want them to come back. I have started to learn, who I really am, and would love to continue the process, till I really feel that it is time I could build new walls. Old walls would no longer suit me well. They have weakened so much that it wouldn't take even a deep breathe to blow them off.
And, the second face of it. When you end up admitting all of this to an acquaintance , who, is actually a stranger in your life, and in turn, become a similar kind of "friend". The stranger has his walls intact. You do not. Yet you two seem to be so similar. What can keep me away from all that I do not want to repeat is , keeping myself away from things which would lead to conclusions, I do not really want to believe. So, here ends. No thoughts.

My baby doll or rather doll baby

Oh yes, my daughter. She is around 3 years old. And, all these 3 years she's had the same golden tresses, same batting pink eye lashes. I named her Annelise. I don't even know what is that supposed to mean, nevertheless named her so cause that was the name I chose for her, out of the blue. She wears the same pink woolen dress all year round, never asks for food or attention. She never cries. And she never laughs. She never feels the love I have for her, and never does she reciprocate. I know she would never. Her plastic hands are never going to hold her mumma's finger in an attempt to walk, her lips are never going to spell "Ma".
After my marriage, if I have another daughter, Annelise shall be her daughter too.
That is all.

A little description -Ranchi contd.

Upper Bazar also had been a place for Dal Pakori. Tiny Pakoris, many in number, packed in a paper bag, and a little bit of Dhaniya Chutney given with it. Yummy. Those small "thelas" which sold them, always played old songs by Kishore Kumar or Lata Mangeshkar. Our Gypsy would be parked just beside any small shop, and dad would get down to buy some of those tasty tid bits for us. The place used to be so crowded that once you are in, it would take you at least 15 minutes to get out. Then there was this shop called the Churuwala's . Orange mithai... was a favorite from that shop. It was nothing but normal Rasgulla immersed in orange concentrate . But it tasted yummy. To buy our school books w e had to go to Namkom. A lot far away from our house. But it had some fun element. I remember being a favorite for my acting and oratorical skills . I went to so many places. Loyala Ground, Loreto school, and where not. Oh, i also went for some fancy dress competition organized by BIT Mesra. And, we were invited to Hotel Chinar for a brunch with executive from various places. I felt so special. I remember having met a fellow participant named, Abhishekh there. Why I remember him distinctly is because he had told me that when I would be in class 12 i would know what real life is all about. I was in 7 then. And trust me, I still don't understand, what is meant by "real" life.. I had been the Vice President Of the Interact Club in my school. I was so happy about it. That was one of the most special things that happened to me. The investiture ceremony, and everything else about it,w as so great. I still have that badge. I can never loose it. I remember Christopher Sir a lot. He had been my God Father. He meant everything to me. My father at school, my teacher, my vice principal...and my friend. On my birthday he did something for me which he had never done for anybody else before. He gave me a book , "Ignited Minds",by Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam. The very next year, on my birthday, I got a book titled "Anne to Akin" as a gift from our principal, Mr.J.V Francis. I treasure the two books as if they were pieces of diamonds. And in fact, to me, they mean a lot more. I remember playing in my building complex for hours together. Summer vacations used to such fun. Life was different, and life is different. But there are no regrets. All is good. But I miss my dream place. But I don't really want to go back. Because, the place is no longer as it used to be. It has changed, and so have I. There is a lot more I could write about. But i Won't .I can not.

A little description -Ranchi

Don' really know what makes me feel like writing this out, but yes, I got to write once i have decided. I used to live in this place called Ranchi. Yes the same place in Jharkhand, India. Lived there for about three years about years ago. Not that I liked the place when we got transferred there from a city like Kolkata. At the first sight, any kid would feel disgusted to know that there weren't any amusement parks or proper burger shops, cafe, toy shops or even multiplexes. There was just one cinema hall, Sujata. It was known as the best. But that too was disgusting. People could enter the hall with tickets for any section of the place. What i mean is, people who bought tickets for the balcony, would reach the rear stall, and vice versa. There was just one food joint we knew about, Vrindawan. But, it was lovely. I never had Dhoklas as tasty as i had them there. They were specially made of rice flour and semolina. One more culinary delight i have to remember Ranchi for is, Litti. Oh how I loved them. Mom never let me have the ones with ghee. I was too fat. But i always fancied having them. And may be once i even did. I remember the hot crispy and tasty Samosas i had in my dad's office. There was this one sweet shop i ever liked, though it was widely famous in the entire city...Rasikhlal. I lived in Lotus apartments there. The only hotel out there, which people could count upon for celebrity stays was Hotel Yuvraj Palace. There was GL Church Complex. There was Firayala Chauk. And whenever we needed some stationery, there was Upper Bazar. I remember when we bought those huge Cut and Paste books for our projects..blue and pink in color.. remember a hell lot of things. Going for dinner, will write the rest of the things in the next post.

Strange situation

How are you supposed to feel when the song you actually thought you dislike, becomes your humming tune? and, when the color you never thought you would wear, becomes the aim of your "hunt my wardrobe" scene? Strange you must feel, and "strange" is what i presently feel i am.
And more of weird things have been "planned and executed" by me..
The city band, which composes few good numbers and mostly horrifying excuses for songs... has become a part time favorite for me.. I know that is weird. Well, in fact. I even had a chat with the lyricist and the lead vocalist of that band. And again, strangely enough, I "liked'' the conversation.
And then, I went about shouting and creating a whole lot of scene at home, because there was no body to take me to this particular radio station, to collect a prize i had won on 13th June...in a late night show.. well, i was told that it was some.. 10 band radio set worth a huge 5 grands.. and.. i was foolish enough to believe that nonsense. A radio set for 5 grands. So sweet of me. Well, after that I did manage somebody to take me there. Waited around for 30 minutes, and.. there came my...POCKET RADIO>> not even worth 50 bucks i guess. YET... i thought i was supposed to feel disgusted at this.. but no.. i felt good.. that i have a radio set...Something is wrong with my head?? my mind? my soul? my what ..?? Heaven knows. I asked somebody about this, though in an indirect manner... and he answered me.. in an indirect way too.
What he had to say was that, it is nothing but the weather..that is showing its pleasant colors on me.Well, as for your information, the weather is mighty humid, cloudy, nice zephyr laden with a hell lot of moisture. So, what can this weather do to me? what should it? that is for you to think.

Touch me and go, my love for once.
Your touch, so slight, was not enough.
Touch me and go, my love for once.
you never know when I get to feel you next.

A kick start

Alisha Das. Yes that is me.
Ever since i realized that there might be things that may be i should know, i have been trying my best to know them. And somewhat successful as well... Lot many things keep haunting my head, so decided, that my personal diary wasn't that good an idea to write things down.
I don't have that patience anymore to write so many things. Got enough notes and other records to keep in a written way, so, typing out my feelings,I think, was definitely the only other option I had.Or rather still have.
I would be writing things in a way that you wouldn't be able to figure out a head and tail of it...but can not really help it. I am like that.I want to say everything yet not say anything at all.
And please do not expect me to have any specific topic for discussion everyday.. I am extremely haphazard as far as these things are concerned. Creativity keeps me going, so I prefer doing things in my own way, even if that mean , doing things in a way that no body else will be able to recognize with. And , just in case you actually found that funny.. go ahead and laugh... would love to be a reason for even a tiny smile on any person's face. I am at times, immensely busy with my own self.. At those times I do not even remember that there are many other living beings.
But, I have very sensitive emotions as well...we'll come to that later... till then wait for my next post...