A page out of the lover's personal note copy.~ "AK"

Yea, that is the name of one very important person in my life. AK came like a gush of soft wind.. made me feel as if life was something i couldn't move forward with hadn't AK been there.

AK had been in love before. With AK's high school sweetheart.. M. M had loved AK well, but M had to leave for Canada.. and AK was left alone. I had been in love before too. But that love soon died.
Never thought in my wildest dreams that AK too, would leave me.

26th APril 2008 was the day when AK told me....about the love...we shared...and I readily told AK..that it was all so true. Though we were on internet..the moments we spent together were rare and precious...were something.. may be.. some how .. AK forgot..

these are AK's words which still pinch me hard :

okie here we go then ....



on this perfect day ......26th April 2008 ...

me (AK) announces you( A ) my sweetheart ...

How does Ak expect me to forget all that..???

AK said..

tussi to ho gaye ho pagal....le revised version of this waala scrap<<<>>>>>










we r 2gether......
free of bonds ....
free of pressures....
and on will.....



of ! course both of us know we aint be holdin hands in 3d world.......

but as such we hve been in the rain....( i hope u remeba).....in fields.......i dnt knw if ppl can have those emotions which we just felt thru the words.........



frnd ?
no .........u wan me 2 tell u everythign an whatever i feel like......to have no doubts ova it ...i will tell u ....

but i just want to remain ur AK ...nt a frnd ........

and u will be forever with me .......


You wanna know where AK is, and what happened between us?
I donot know.
Ak left me. Without even telling me. AK vanished. AK's Id was longer valid.
I didnt have Ak's number.
Ak was lost.

He forgot the way we fell in love, while it was raining. He Just forgot, how he admired me in my pink salwar. He forgot how we couldn't help looking at each other, when he saw me for the first time, from beneath my verandah....


Once I had asked AK.."What if I leave you and go away?? What If i vanish??"

Ak told me ," why u ask such questions ? when u will vanish all of a sudden .....
my first thought will be .....SHE WILL BE BACK wherever she is !!...( i ll be a lil irked also )..."

Ask AK to come back.
Please.

How dare you..

" { What the hell do you think you are? Who do you think you resemble? My dad?or my grand dad that I am supposed to listen to every little instruction you have to give me?? And how dare you even expect me to be patient while you are orating your whole lot of memorized crap that may be your forefathers have been giving away to your mothers and grandmothers...?? How dare you even think I would come over my wish of making it big in life and be just at home cooking may be some oily food stuff which would help you and your beloved brothers to add to your paunch? You trying to earn back all the money you spent on those bouquets and cakes??.. take it back you with interest .... but.... GET lost...
Ever tried spending you time in the joggers' park trying to shed some of your "obvious" weight round your thighs and belly??... and you say you are a hunk?? a stud??.. And to top it up you feel you are manly?? .. You ain't even man enough to be called a man. And Mr. whtsoeva.. take it into account that I am surely gonna give you a big electric shock when you even try to touch me. You are so darn dirty and you stink so much. Why did I even say a yes to you?? Was it all LOVE?? well.. it is all gone.. Gone with the winds... and may be i would prefer passing it on to one "Lean", "Studious".... a trust worthy.. MAN.. than sticking to you. Your multi brand glares.. don't give me even a decimal percentage of liking for you. All that could help you was, your sense of humour... but of course.. "you" now look like a "joke in motion" to me..Your hulk of a bike...has nothing to do with me feeling great about having you in my life. You are one big.......JERK. And if you still do not know, I dont need you anymore. You can kindly just puch off... Just get the hell out of my life. And dare not come back. } "

I was thinking all of this when one of my friends was telling me her story of her guy asking her to give up her salsa classes, her job, and to start learning to make some food item... so that after marriage she could do it all day long. He wanted her to let her parents know that she should bring at least a lakh or two to establish her life soon after the nuptial ceremonies. She asked me to place myself in her shoes and think.. of what would I do.

I know i am violent. But im ok with it.

Somethings said, and most of it unsaid.

[Two of them sitting in a park They are friends. They are.. umm.. well.. a little strange]

Girl>
In love, can it happen that the guy, says that he feels a little absurd when the girl cares for him, when he himself cares for her and it shows?

Boy[thinking, my god...Should i answer that?...clears throat]>
Amm.. well, guys are immature, they know it, but don;t like being protected snd cosseted for that makes it very apparent...[smile]...

Girl[smiles]

Boy> Not fair.. these are secrets... [laughs]

Girl>[chuckles]
And when he is caught red handed, he says that it is some "principle" that he follows... [laughs] Men will be men..

Boy>[slightly frowning]
Indeed for if hr doesn't he is dismissed as ruthless,and if he does, he is protective and possessive..alas.. Women would be women..

Girl>
And when he talks about "space", he is being sensible, but when she does, she definitely has some second affair.. Men I tell you.

Boy>
You must be talking about the "man" and not men..[winks]

Girl>
The "the man" for me, hasn't even come in my vicinity. Nor has his clone. Not even his Wannabe clone...

[thinks..]
Boy[about to speak]

Girl>
In fact, there couldn't ..rather shouldn't be a clone to him..[smiles]

Boy>
Hmmmm.. Better....[winks]

Girl>
I know I cut you short on the long speech you were preparing.....aam...well..guessing you know.. [winks]

Boy>
Could be. Well yea, high possibilities..

Girl>
Ahan.. Make up is a good way to hide wrinkles. [winks] I like it...

Boy>
And now you are nubile.. Cheeni kum? [winks][laughs]

Girl>
What? where did that come from? And no.. ..Slightly little more sugar please.. I like it a little sweeter..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, what was all this?
Somethings, are just so pretty... just so wow... just so..............ummm well... let it be in the heart...

From time to other times..

Nothing is static. Nothing stays forever. Nothing lasts forever. Yea awrite, that bit was an inspiration from Sidney Sheldon. Look I am honest to admit it. But then coming back to why was I saying it at all. There have been things which can keep a mind rattled for hours, sometimes weeks together. There are again a separate set of stuff which keep you engrossed for months or may be years together. Now, these things are generally thought to be as, depressing and blue thoughts. But no. There can be a difference. And a big one at that.Can be a strange difference. No.?
Like I will give you an example.

I bet you would remember , that one hot "paratha" your mom made for you, and served it to you, with some tasty "aam ka achar". Or you would forever remember what your first boy friend or girl friend did for you to make your birthday special. Or you would surely, remember all taht makes you feel even a little happy. And at times, some of these instances, keep you engrossed for a lifetime.

Like, this one incident. I had begun loosing it all at some point of life. There was this guy in my class. And I am not the kind of girl who calls her "classmates", "friends". But somehow, he became a great friend. A very good one. And we ate tiffin together. We played all silly pranks on each other. We did all nuisance. We were just awesome together. In a class play we even played husband and wife, who would always fight. And truly enough we always fought. We always said irritating things about each other, but nevertheless we would not leave each other alone for even a fraction of a second at school. All our friends thought we were in love. But the fact is, we were not. And trust me, come over all movie fancies, there can be such great intimate friendship. He was one such. One day he told me that someday he would go away from the country, and that I would have no such great a best friend ever. I laughed it out. And truly he went away. He went away from the country , he went away from the school, he went away from me. And before going, he told me that he loved me. I was stunned. I could expect it from anybody but not him. But the truth is that, i wasn't in love with him. And i felt bad for him. And I felt bad that i felt "bad" for him. I always thought we were meant to make fun of each other. It took him some good time and some terrible fights, to make him understand that I wasn't the girl for him. And he understood. He has had about 25girl friends since then. And not it has been about two years.

But see, We are friends again. Though net friends now. But still, the friendship has carried on, on a good note. Look how things captivate your life? The very fact that I said all this out, proves it.

And again, I was reading a certain book. It took such a toll over my thoughts, that I could not continue reading it. I just could not. It took me to some other world, from where I could not return. I struggled to avoid all such thoughts which killed me and my inner self.But I wasn't. SO I stopped reading it exactly at the point of time when I thought that I would die if I did not drown into its dark ecstasy. I won over it. I won over my fear of loosing myself. I emerged as myself yet again. I have the memories of smiling to myself, when I realised that I had done it.That now, no thing could bind my senses. It was just me and me. It still is.

Look how captivating some things are? Such things are going to let me feel good about myself forever.

Life, is fascinating. It moves from time to other times...

enuf o butter gimmer sum cheese now..

I dunno how many o u wil undrstnd this... but here goes...

My latest poetry...

Jis shaqs ko bhi jaan gaye hum,
usne humein jana nahi..
Jaan bhi gaya ho agar ,,
Usne apna mana nahi
Yaadein sanjokar uski,
jab hum aagey badhne lagey..
Usne humari raah ko,
Apni raah mana nahi..
Kisine humein pehchaana nahi..

Pehchaan humari, unke liye,
Ban gayi ek sawaal,
Jo pooch baithe woh har kisise se,
Kiya kuch aisa kamaal,
Ki bharosa humara khud par se hi,
Uthne laga tha..
Dilasa nahi tha humko koi,
Dil tut ne laga tha...
Aise halaton mein bhi,
Kisine apna mana nahi..
Dil ke tukde karte rahe,
Par jodna jana nahi..
Kisine humein pehchana nahi..

Lessons

Not being able to defy yourself at times can be so annoying. Some times, you just feel like not taking hints, but then, the nature of the hints is just so "......" that you cannot overlook. You really do not want to fall for the same conclusion again. but some how this same conclusion sounds so different this time. Yo keep convincing yourself that whatever you feel is wrong and has nothing to do with reality. You keep telling yourself that it is just a "Waking wish fulfillment". But your inner feeling captivates your mind and soul.
All this might happen to any human. It is natural. For some good time I have been disturbed over an issue. And now I feel so confident that I am over it.
Here is a list of things I learned.

*The biggest love is self love. However selfish that may sound.

*You have to beat the hell out of an insane person to set him straight.

*At times, even your family members would not understand what you feel. They would itch the hell out of you. Would humiliate you in front of every non sense... At that time, you can not help loosing your temper.And if you do, you are humiliated more.

*It is OK to have terrible verbal fights, using all sorts of slangs, when you know that would help fight for your cause.

*There is gender bias everywhere.

*You must not expect your parents to agree with anything you say.

*You were born alone. You will die alone.




Truth often stings.

Wht d heck

omg..i do not blv this... lol.. dnt ask me wht hppnd... u wont blv me...

lol..


shay..i was already dreamin of it.. i knew dad wud bring along tht choco pastry and tht tart... for us.. i knew i knew.... :D and I also knew tht i wud have my new iPOD today... goodness.
I knew I would be given new cell too.. i was just too sure of it... had my dreams ready...lol...

man....u won;t blv this...i wanted all tht n i knew it wud happen..

but none of it did.

Where is this going?

I don't know. I feel weird now. Do not feel like talking to anybody ,do not feel like even eating anything, just do not feel like even looking at the television. What is wrong with me? It is raining cats and dogs now. I had my unit test commencing today, but owing to to fabulous weather, couldn't even make it to 5o feet near to my school. I feel I need to be with some body. I know who that some body is. I have been in constant touch with that some body for quite some time now. But no, we are not romantically involved. In fact, we are two heart break souls. Things took a massive turn for both of us. But wait, where is this going? Why am I finding it difficult to even express myself? Why is that I still want to be with that somebody...constantly for all the time now?

It feels terrible now

Well tell me one thing. What on earth have you got to do with whatever I do with my life? or whatever has happened with me? There is this particular "forced" brother in my life. I met him online and he instantly started using endearments, such "kiddu", "lovely little angel", "my baby sis", "sweetheart".. and what not. Pure form of crap. What the hell... "kiddu" is the name my soul sister calls me by and how dare he use all those names for me? Who gave him that damn well permission? Its my name ain't it? And I can not associate with such a stranger on such a personal level. And then when I told him tht "look mr.what so ever..i am barely interested in talking to you....so please do me the favor of getting out of my list please.", this is what he had to tell me..
"daa..you are angry with your bro huh?? please don't do this to me daa...kiddu...i know you want to talk to me.. tell me daa.... what happened?"... I mean what shit is that? I said it clearly that i DO NOT WANT any fraction of him in my good life, but what does he think he is?
He promised me he wouldn't talk to me again, but he came back begging me to become the angel i had been when i was behaving in my "usual" self. How the hell is he supposed to know what my usual self is? I told him clearly that I would end up being the biggest bitch he has ever seen if he didn't leave me alone.

He told me that everybody was leaving him alone and that he is leaving that socializing site..I was so damn happy. I even said a thank you to him, but that half headed moron told me that he was happy that at last I talked to him. What the hell does he think he is? And he still hasn't left the site and he won't even delete me. And i do not have that cheap time and energy to look for him in my list. He is waiting for his "girlfriend" to give him his new number before he leaves the site... Goodness.. please girl give him the number fast. I have had enough of this crap in my life now. And It feels terrible now.

Dumb , Dumber ,Dumbest

It is so obvious that I am speaking about various facets of my own self..I have been so incredibly dumb. I learn music, and now I am in the fourth year of it. But in these four years, not a single day have I taken, practicing the stereotypes seriously. I always thought that it was enough if I sang the music I liked, and particularly would be more happy singing.I love studying, people. Yes, and not books. And again I was dumb enough to make it clear to all my tutors that I barely cared about how much hard work they were putting into teaching me a lesson that they in turn were again taught by somebody who had no love for the subject, but did it just because he had to earn something out of it. I was just a little mesmerized by the way a pregnant woman was carrying a heavy water bucket with her and since I was so jealous of her expertise, I snatched away that bucket and took it all the way to her place, even when I was dressed for the pub. So very dumb of me.
That was just dumb. And now let me share how did i manage to get dumber.
There was this guy, who thought I was going around with him, although I was not. And he all of a sudden snapped all contact and I found him proposing to another girl. And he didn't really know that I know of it. But the moment he came to know of it, he had all letters filled with apologies. I got dumber just here. I made it clear to him that it made no difference to me , because he was never more than just a friend. How wonderful of me? In fact, I even had the "dumber" idea to make him realize that friendship was the best thing that could happen to two people. *sigh* how dumber could I get?
Another dumber act. There was this shopkeeper, in my market place, who was trying to charge a thousand rupees from a foreigner , for a dress we could get for a hundred and fifty. I got dumber again. I told the lady that she was being cheated, and that she shouldn't buy that thing for a penny more than two hundred. *Dumber*.. I was sooooooooooooo dumb. Didn't even realize that the "poor" shopkeeper, who wore a modest safari suit in the finest linen, needed some "foreign investment" into his business.

Now, the dumbest part of it.

This also made me know for sure that I ain't as fashion conscious as the peers around me. Come on, spitting on the walls, and make them red and colorful. Making them look as if there is so much of freshness around. So much of redness around. I , the dumbest possible creature protested. And of course, all i deserved was a good repulsion.
That is nothing.
One of my friends , was in a dilemma. She didn't know whether she should marry her childhood sweetheart, even when his family asked for a small dowry of about a lakh or two. Even when, she came from a rich school teacher's family. I was dumb enough to try to solve her problem, and tell her to opt out of this life time contract which would ask for deposits every now and then.
I am so dumb. Ain't I ?

A different mood..

Oh yesh.. i feel at the top of the world for some weird reason today. amm...
and whatever you read now is meant just for you...so say cheers... lol..

First, a warm tight hug for you... you deserve it.. you are so special to me... in fact I couldn't think of a day without you with me.. aamm.................................. i just feel like being with you all the time..so much so that .. may be I would even agree to cook all day long, only if you say you would stare at me through all of it.... I could sing, i could dance and I could do anything for you...

I don't know.... amm... oh kiddu...ur so special to me... my chweety... my baby...

I dunno why I write all this.. but I get a greaaaaaaaaaaaat feleing having done so... heheh....

Come on.. its a different part of me.. wow...

wht is happening to me???

"Life", where it exists

She lives in one of those slums people generally visit only to make survey reports. She dresses in plain simple cotton dresses. Her hair is pale brown ,rough, and has lost all the glamor it had few months back. She has no money now. Not that she ever had something which people could point out, but at least she went to a school, studied and had always thought that she would be a nurse some day. I did not know her. Just that even I intended to conduct a survey and this particular slum was the closest to my place. So, there was I, dressed in pure white formal clothes, to give an offical touch to my apperance. Sunglasses on my head, hair tied into a decent pony tail and, with a serious look on my face. She wasn't the earliest people I saw there. I surveyed an old woman , then a young boy, then a middle aged man and then her, Amrita. I could see, all people of her age playing near the railway lines, but she was sitting in her room, mothering her little brother. I needed to survey a couple now, for some more details of the place.
So, I went upto her and asked her, " Please could you tell me where your parents are? Would like to talk to them."
She smiled at me and said, "You will have to wait for some long time to meet them."
"umm.... They are not at home?"
"No, they are in our second home."
"Ok. What does your father do?"
"He was a laubourer. "
"Not anymore? What does he do? What does your mother do?"
"They left doing anything I can think of. Or Even you can."
"I didn't quite get you."
"They went some where else, to stay with each other only. They are a happy couple. You don't get to see such people together, often. "
I smiled.
"May be they are out of town.May be for some work. May be she doesn't know what they do" These were my thoughts at that poit of time.Thinking that she was still a small kid, I left the place, and headed towards my car. She came back running to me with her brother tighly cluchted in her small arms.
" My name is Amrita. And he is my small brother. Pray that their souls rest in peace."
I could not belive what I heard. She still believed that they were a happy couple. She still believed in their existence. I just stared at her. Gave her a little money, and drove away.

"Life" is where you see it. Even in the dead. I learnt it.

A time to contemplate

You, as a human, can do things in various ways and do anything you want to. Even if not the real world, which you have built in such a way, that you would have to struggle to climb the stairs to it, your own mind, can be the stage for your performance. Tear open the black cover, which keeps you, away from the stream of light. Burn yourself in the sun, the whiteness you possess is the proof of your ignorance. Romance the zephyr, let it tingle you everywhere, let it remind you, of the soul , you have let live in your self, and let it awaken it. Flow with the sweet water, which touches the feet of the pebbles, and runs away to some where else.

Sit in an empty room, make yourself comfortable on your cushion. Breathe in deep, and exhale slowly. What are the things you feel you need to think about? And when onwards have you been feeling so? Try to get some answers for yourself. Take a small sip of the coffee you have in your mug. Tastes good? No? Perhaps, tastes as it always had.

Coming back to contemplating.. So which part of your thought makes you feel uncomfortable? Which person, which incident, which thing or which part of you? May be you know it well. Yes? Take a second sip of the coffee, its going cold. Or did you say no? think again.. you might as well know it, or may be you don't know if "it" is the thing? Yes? feel so? Come on, take a sip dearest. Coffee is a good thing to keep the conversation going, whether with somebody else or your own self.

Now, take a deep breathe again. You have been contemplating. Smile once at least.. Drink your coffee... take a nice nap. You need it. Sleeping well, is a good way to contemplate. And whenever you feel, you need to detach from the real world, to a better one, is the time to unconsciously contemplate.

Take care.

No thoughts

At times, even when you have the things, you possibly have yearned for years or even weeks back, you don't really feel as if things are going to a destiny you could feel comfortable with. I don't know if it has ever happened with you, but this is the recent flavor of life, forced upon me, by my own self.
I'm feeling so stoic, so empty, and so thoughtless. It feels as if, all my feelings and emotions are being sucked in by some vacuum cleaner and being deposited in some paper bag, which I have no access to. Feels as if somebody forcefully whitewashed the walls of my heart, and left no trace of the mirrors, the paintings and the memories, I had decorated it with. Now I feel like taking a huge hammer and hammering down these empty walls. They shouldn't be with me. These walls, though empty now, remind me of a time when they had all the colors on them, which could make me call my life, "beautiful". There were chances, when I was asked, whether I would prefer a shade brighter or blunt, but I denied. The color and the hue of it, I was in love with, wouldn't seem like itself, anyways, anymore. I agreed upon having no colors for my walls at all, didn't quite know it , that it would make me feel so dead about my existence. But then again, by virtue of my nature, I did, manage to desire to break these walls, and live just on the floor.That i all I needed. Wants were different though.
So now, the walls no longer exist, but I had been habituated to them. So it pains, a little bit. The things which held me back when i had no clue about where to go, left me in a jiffy, for things i never even though about. And I can be honest enough to admit it that, I don't want them to come back. I have started to learn, who I really am, and would love to continue the process, till I really feel that it is time I could build new walls. Old walls would no longer suit me well. They have weakened so much that it wouldn't take even a deep breathe to blow them off.
And, the second face of it. When you end up admitting all of this to an acquaintance , who, is actually a stranger in your life, and in turn, become a similar kind of "friend". The stranger has his walls intact. You do not. Yet you two seem to be so similar. What can keep me away from all that I do not want to repeat is , keeping myself away from things which would lead to conclusions, I do not really want to believe. So, here ends. No thoughts.

My baby doll or rather doll baby

Oh yes, my daughter. She is around 3 years old. And, all these 3 years she's had the same golden tresses, same batting pink eye lashes. I named her Annelise. I don't even know what is that supposed to mean, nevertheless named her so cause that was the name I chose for her, out of the blue. She wears the same pink woolen dress all year round, never asks for food or attention. She never cries. And she never laughs. She never feels the love I have for her, and never does she reciprocate. I know she would never. Her plastic hands are never going to hold her mumma's finger in an attempt to walk, her lips are never going to spell "Ma".
After my marriage, if I have another daughter, Annelise shall be her daughter too.
That is all.

A little description -Ranchi contd.

Upper Bazar also had been a place for Dal Pakori. Tiny Pakoris, many in number, packed in a paper bag, and a little bit of Dhaniya Chutney given with it. Yummy. Those small "thelas" which sold them, always played old songs by Kishore Kumar or Lata Mangeshkar. Our Gypsy would be parked just beside any small shop, and dad would get down to buy some of those tasty tid bits for us. The place used to be so crowded that once you are in, it would take you at least 15 minutes to get out. Then there was this shop called the Churuwala's . Orange mithai... was a favorite from that shop. It was nothing but normal Rasgulla immersed in orange concentrate . But it tasted yummy. To buy our school books w e had to go to Namkom. A lot far away from our house. But it had some fun element. I remember being a favorite for my acting and oratorical skills . I went to so many places. Loyala Ground, Loreto school, and where not. Oh, i also went for some fancy dress competition organized by BIT Mesra. And, we were invited to Hotel Chinar for a brunch with executive from various places. I felt so special. I remember having met a fellow participant named, Abhishekh there. Why I remember him distinctly is because he had told me that when I would be in class 12 i would know what real life is all about. I was in 7 then. And trust me, I still don't understand, what is meant by "real" life.. I had been the Vice President Of the Interact Club in my school. I was so happy about it. That was one of the most special things that happened to me. The investiture ceremony, and everything else about it,w as so great. I still have that badge. I can never loose it. I remember Christopher Sir a lot. He had been my God Father. He meant everything to me. My father at school, my teacher, my vice principal...and my friend. On my birthday he did something for me which he had never done for anybody else before. He gave me a book , "Ignited Minds",by Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam. The very next year, on my birthday, I got a book titled "Anne to Akin" as a gift from our principal, Mr.J.V Francis. I treasure the two books as if they were pieces of diamonds. And in fact, to me, they mean a lot more. I remember playing in my building complex for hours together. Summer vacations used to such fun. Life was different, and life is different. But there are no regrets. All is good. But I miss my dream place. But I don't really want to go back. Because, the place is no longer as it used to be. It has changed, and so have I. There is a lot more I could write about. But i Won't .I can not.

A little description -Ranchi

Don' really know what makes me feel like writing this out, but yes, I got to write once i have decided. I used to live in this place called Ranchi. Yes the same place in Jharkhand, India. Lived there for about three years about years ago. Not that I liked the place when we got transferred there from a city like Kolkata. At the first sight, any kid would feel disgusted to know that there weren't any amusement parks or proper burger shops, cafe, toy shops or even multiplexes. There was just one cinema hall, Sujata. It was known as the best. But that too was disgusting. People could enter the hall with tickets for any section of the place. What i mean is, people who bought tickets for the balcony, would reach the rear stall, and vice versa. There was just one food joint we knew about, Vrindawan. But, it was lovely. I never had Dhoklas as tasty as i had them there. They were specially made of rice flour and semolina. One more culinary delight i have to remember Ranchi for is, Litti. Oh how I loved them. Mom never let me have the ones with ghee. I was too fat. But i always fancied having them. And may be once i even did. I remember the hot crispy and tasty Samosas i had in my dad's office. There was this one sweet shop i ever liked, though it was widely famous in the entire city...Rasikhlal. I lived in Lotus apartments there. The only hotel out there, which people could count upon for celebrity stays was Hotel Yuvraj Palace. There was GL Church Complex. There was Firayala Chauk. And whenever we needed some stationery, there was Upper Bazar. I remember when we bought those huge Cut and Paste books for our projects..blue and pink in color.. remember a hell lot of things. Going for dinner, will write the rest of the things in the next post.

Strange situation

How are you supposed to feel when the song you actually thought you dislike, becomes your humming tune? and, when the color you never thought you would wear, becomes the aim of your "hunt my wardrobe" scene? Strange you must feel, and "strange" is what i presently feel i am.
And more of weird things have been "planned and executed" by me..
The city band, which composes few good numbers and mostly horrifying excuses for songs... has become a part time favorite for me.. I know that is weird. Well, in fact. I even had a chat with the lyricist and the lead vocalist of that band. And again, strangely enough, I "liked'' the conversation.
And then, I went about shouting and creating a whole lot of scene at home, because there was no body to take me to this particular radio station, to collect a prize i had won on 13th June...in a late night show.. well, i was told that it was some.. 10 band radio set worth a huge 5 grands.. and.. i was foolish enough to believe that nonsense. A radio set for 5 grands. So sweet of me. Well, after that I did manage somebody to take me there. Waited around for 30 minutes, and.. there came my...POCKET RADIO>> not even worth 50 bucks i guess. YET... i thought i was supposed to feel disgusted at this.. but no.. i felt good.. that i have a radio set...Something is wrong with my head?? my mind? my soul? my what ..?? Heaven knows. I asked somebody about this, though in an indirect manner... and he answered me.. in an indirect way too.
What he had to say was that, it is nothing but the weather..that is showing its pleasant colors on me.Well, as for your information, the weather is mighty humid, cloudy, nice zephyr laden with a hell lot of moisture. So, what can this weather do to me? what should it? that is for you to think.

Touch me and go, my love for once.
Your touch, so slight, was not enough.
Touch me and go, my love for once.
you never know when I get to feel you next.

A kick start

Alisha Das. Yes that is me.
Ever since i realized that there might be things that may be i should know, i have been trying my best to know them. And somewhat successful as well... Lot many things keep haunting my head, so decided, that my personal diary wasn't that good an idea to write things down.
I don't have that patience anymore to write so many things. Got enough notes and other records to keep in a written way, so, typing out my feelings,I think, was definitely the only other option I had.Or rather still have.
I would be writing things in a way that you wouldn't be able to figure out a head and tail of it...but can not really help it. I am like that.I want to say everything yet not say anything at all.
And please do not expect me to have any specific topic for discussion everyday.. I am extremely haphazard as far as these things are concerned. Creativity keeps me going, so I prefer doing things in my own way, even if that mean , doing things in a way that no body else will be able to recognize with. And , just in case you actually found that funny.. go ahead and laugh... would love to be a reason for even a tiny smile on any person's face. I am at times, immensely busy with my own self.. At those times I do not even remember that there are many other living beings.
But, I have very sensitive emotions as well...we'll come to that later... till then wait for my next post...