No thoughts

At times, even when you have the things, you possibly have yearned for years or even weeks back, you don't really feel as if things are going to a destiny you could feel comfortable with. I don't know if it has ever happened with you, but this is the recent flavor of life, forced upon me, by my own self.
I'm feeling so stoic, so empty, and so thoughtless. It feels as if, all my feelings and emotions are being sucked in by some vacuum cleaner and being deposited in some paper bag, which I have no access to. Feels as if somebody forcefully whitewashed the walls of my heart, and left no trace of the mirrors, the paintings and the memories, I had decorated it with. Now I feel like taking a huge hammer and hammering down these empty walls. They shouldn't be with me. These walls, though empty now, remind me of a time when they had all the colors on them, which could make me call my life, "beautiful". There were chances, when I was asked, whether I would prefer a shade brighter or blunt, but I denied. The color and the hue of it, I was in love with, wouldn't seem like itself, anyways, anymore. I agreed upon having no colors for my walls at all, didn't quite know it , that it would make me feel so dead about my existence. But then again, by virtue of my nature, I did, manage to desire to break these walls, and live just on the floor.That i all I needed. Wants were different though.
So now, the walls no longer exist, but I had been habituated to them. So it pains, a little bit. The things which held me back when i had no clue about where to go, left me in a jiffy, for things i never even though about. And I can be honest enough to admit it that, I don't want them to come back. I have started to learn, who I really am, and would love to continue the process, till I really feel that it is time I could build new walls. Old walls would no longer suit me well. They have weakened so much that it wouldn't take even a deep breathe to blow them off.
And, the second face of it. When you end up admitting all of this to an acquaintance , who, is actually a stranger in your life, and in turn, become a similar kind of "friend". The stranger has his walls intact. You do not. Yet you two seem to be so similar. What can keep me away from all that I do not want to repeat is , keeping myself away from things which would lead to conclusions, I do not really want to believe. So, here ends. No thoughts.