Enigma

Life is one enigmatic journey. An enigma of its own kind. Each life is distinguished with its own set of characteristics, and uniqueness. Sometimes, the uniqueness of this journey, makes it a tinge more complicated than its individual parts.

And maybe at those times, fighting and moving ahead becomes essential. So essential that you cannot breathe unless you have made some silent yet huge compromises with your own self. And still, this journey which makes you do so much to yourself, is enigmatic. And there is nothing even questioning the glory of this beautifully caked up walk in the natural plastic garden called “Human world”.

How about being able to take guilt free sneak peek into someone else’s garden? Steal some apples and yet not be caught? Sounds like a fancy , one which would not com true in real life. Because no body in their conscious selves, would let you know who they really are. Or more specifically, nobody would ever let you know or even understand in proper state, what would they do in a reply to anything adverse.

There was this girl, somewhere in the country, who lived a life on her terms. Had her own share of discreet ideas, and her own dreams to live up to. She was friendly, jolly, and very lively. She was the life of any gathering she was a part of. People yearned to have her with them all the time. That was what was the skin of her. But what about the flesh, blood, and bone? There ought to be some. There was this other side of her, a girl, who excelled at writing dark poetries, had the worst dreams and fought miserably with her brain. She had her own contradictions, her own apprehensions and her own limitations. But these never stopped her from being who she was. And, If things were to be put in simpler words, then it would be, that she was a matured young girl. The kind one could call a kid at times, but at other times, it would be her, even people years elder to her , would turn to for emotional and practical help.

She did everything that normal people would do, indulged in everything that was fashionable, and relished life just like she did her chocolate bar.

She was one of those queen of fantasies and enjoyed life like, there would never be another tomorrow.

Only one thing, she did not have a friend, a true one. Some one who could understand, who she really was and what she needed and not wanted from life. May be she was among many people, but she was not that complete. She was not completely happy with her soul, which required some healing.

So destiny has plans for everybody, and she was not an exception. But hers was a slightly different story all together.

She was sitting in her very own seat in the cyber café. Was chatting with some friends, and simultaneously, noticing everybody who were occupying the computers next to her. She was not really directly looking at them, that would make things very obvious and she would be left embarrassed, and that was surely something she ever learnt to be. So while she was typing in some words, a young lad came and sat next to her, the computer I mean.

He looked at her once, then twice and then over and over again. She tried not to look, but it was difficult with such random attention.

He :You know I am looking at you.
She : Sorry?
He: I am looking at you and you know that.
She: (pause) Well, so?
He: Go ahead and type what you were typing. (Laughs)

She felt snubbed, and continued with her work.

He: Who is it? Ryan? How do you know him?
She: Excuse me. What are you talking about?\
He: This fair skinned chap on your screen.
She: Look mister, I am not interested in what you do, so be away from my things as well.
He: As if, I did not notice you looking at me when I entered the café? And then you pretended as if you are very busy … No?
She: Whatever I do should be just my own concern. You are a stranger, and I shall prefer you to remain one.
He: English honors?
She: What?(irritated)
He: Nothing.

She continues with what she was doing. A minute later, gets up to leave.

He: You going?
She does not reply.

He: Hello madam. Are you going?
She: Yes. You got problems?
He: Of course not! Good for me if you go without logging out of your messenger. I could easily get your number , address, and everything else.
She: What non sense.

She hurries back to the computer, logs out and head towards the door.

He: You lost you basic manners when you were busy thinking about me?
She: Sorry?
He: Sorry seems to be the hardest word , to most, but you seem to be quite fond of it
She: Will you shut up?
He: No.
She: I have to leave now.
He: As if I stopped you?
She: Whatever.
He: All girls are same.
She: You may think so. Goodbye.
She goes out.

He continues typing.

Next day, when she comes back, unknowingly, she was looking for him, but he did not come.
But, she got a chat invitation from an unknown address. And it had a message along with it.

“I know you are looking for me but sadly, I have a super fast net connection at my place.”
She did not know what to do. She knew it was him, but if she accepted it, it would mean that she gave in to him. But if she did not, she would not get to tighten his nuts!

So she took the safer way out. Accepted the request, but pretended as if, he did not know who it was.

He:Hey
She:Hello!
He:Hey , you sound so normal online!
She:What?
He:Yes. I thought it would b the same cranky you.
She:I dono know who you are.
He:Lols. Stop lying ok?
She:Srry, I ain’t lying.
He:So, still talking to Ryan?
She: It you again?
He:As if you didn’t know and your heart wasn’t thumping hard?
She: Nonsense.
He:You!
She:Shut up
He:I came online for shutting evrything up?
She:Do whatever you feel like.
He:Feel like hugging you.
She:Get lost!
He:hehehhehe
She:Yea whtever
He:You think you are something lik the mysterious queen??
She:y?
He:No, bcoz u behave like one.
She:Smiles!! Well, you know Who I am then!
He:Yea.A pretender.
She:You enjoy pissing me off?
He:Just two days madam. Lot more to come.
She:Yea, I ill see.


He:You’d better.
She:I gtg now.Bbye.
He:Muaah!!
She:Get lost.
Signs out.

For five days after that he does not come online.

Sixth day, he comes to the café, and finds her there.

He:Will you join me for a cup of coffee?
She:What?
He:Coffee.Made of coffee beans.Well brewed.
She:I am busy.
He:No you aren’t.
She:How does that bother you.
He:May be it does.

Something happens to her, and she walks with him.
He walks endlessly till they reach a grocery shop.He buys a satchet of coffee powder.And then continues to walk.

She:What is this?
He:Coffee.
She:I can see that. But….
He:You will make two gud mugs of it
She:You are out of your head??
He:You are.
She laughs almost hysterically.

He:What?
She:You are a sample piece.
He:(gives a sheepish look)(chuckles)
She:Stupid!
He:Coming home or not?
She:I do not have any option left.(smiles)


They go to his home. A nice big one.

He:You know what?
She:What?
He:I wanna tell you something.
She:aamm…Wht?
He:You should have known it but then, I have to tell it to you.
She:Go ahead.
He:Go straight and thn take a left, you shall find my kitchen.
She:Non sense.(begins to laugh)
He::Go go!
She:Shut up!
He:Go na.. please..
She: Ok ok..

Both begin to smile in a way they had never before. It was something nice. Something beautiful.

While she was busy pouring the coffee in the mugs, he stepped into the kitchen.

He:Hey..
She: (Turns back)Yea hi..
He:I had never expected anybody to work in my kitchen. Not a girl atleast.
She:What..?
He:Yea, never seen a girl work in here.Never.
She:Never seen you mom in the kitchen or what?
He:No…
She: (pauses) I didn’t get you.
He: She passed away when I was five, and dad never married again.
She: Oh..I’m sorry.
He:Naah.. it is ok.
She: So, what happened next? Where is your dad?
He: He? Maybe in London now.
She:Maybe?
He:Yes. I was sent to live with my grandparents after that..Dad seldom wrote letters. Called up once in a blue moon. He was living with his girl friend.He did not marry and did not worry.
She:What the….I am sorry.
He:I am used to trying to control my anger. I hate him.
She:So where are your grand parents?
He:Grand dad passed away when I was fifteen. Grand mom passed away five days back.
She:Oh..
He:So that is why I couldn’t be with you.(winks)
She: You are…(pauses) I mean…(pauses)..I don’t know..
He:Acid tested.hahaha…
She:You are not lik what you seemed to be. You are nice.
He: uh huh!! Think again girl.. You always thought I am good, you wouldn’t come down home else wise… would you?
She: (smiles) May be.

That day had been, one of the pretiest examples of life for anybody who would want it!
She was finding a companion, and he already seemed to have found one. Both could recognize with each other in a way, they had never previously done. Things began to change. For most days, she would go to his house , instead of hanging around with her usual circle of friends, and the most noteworthy thing was that, she did not feel anything going amiss!

One of those days, they planned to cook together.
In the kitchen..

She: Wanted to ask you something.
He:Ask ask..(winks)
She:Why did you talk to me that day?
He:When?
She:In the café …
He:Oh!..Was just flirting….
She:Huh!
He:But there is something else to it too.
She:What?
He:There was something, that made me come back..
She:What??
He: You look like my grand mom….
She: (looks at him) I could kill you.
He: No no!! Seriously!

He held her by her hand, and then took her to his room. Askd her to sit down, and then pulled out something of the drawer, and sat down beside her.

He:Here, see…(hands her a photograph)
She: (takes a look) Wow…who is this?
He:My grand mom(smiles)
She:She is so, beautiful….
He:Yes, she was pretty.Very pretty. I wonder if my mom looked like her too.
She:She surely did. You haven’y seen her pictures?
He:Yes…I have.. But never too clear..
She: hmm..
He: (turning towards her) So you see, you look like her. My grand mom.
She: No ways! She is way too pretty!
He: Look at yourself, the way I look, you are the pretiest of all..
She: (lowers her eyes) Thank you..
He: (goes close to her) You dumbo, we were cooking….Come lets go…(winks)
She:Oh yes… (laughs)

Days, weeks and months… all passed by. And now, they were the best of friends.
There was nothing that was hidden. Nothing that was forged. Every fact was so clear and every expression was so well understood. Now they even did not have to talk to let each other know what they were thinking. Eyes could speak so well now. And they were working together on a social project. So that let them have , more time each day together.

Her parents knew him well. They began to trust him. It was all as if, It was meant to be this way always.Always.


One year now, things were good. But they had fights too. And had their own ways of soling their problems as well.

She:Where did yo keep your file?
He:Which one?
She:The Bio data, medical reports,couple passes one..
He:Why?
She:I kept my, discount coupon in that.
He:What for?
She:I needed to keep it safe.
He:You don’t have your own file or what? What was it I bought you the other day? A piece of rubble?
She:Shut up..
He:What shut up? Why did I buy it then?
She:I was with you that time when Igot it, came down to your place after that, so, I kept it in your file.
He:It is my file for God’s sake!
She:So I should’nt have kept it there?
He:Yea absolutely..
She:Okay… Fine. Buhbyee.I have to leave.(moves to leave)
He: (moves towards her)What for?
She:No. I am sorry. I forgot my limitations…(heads towards the door)
He:What!...Fish!!.....(hold her hand)Don’t go.
She:I have to. And yes, I am sorry.(looks downwards, hiding her teary eyes)
He: (Raises her face up) Awww no!! No no!Don’t cry. Please.. No! Keep all your coupons in my file, keep all that you want anywhere..But don’t cry please!! (hugs her)
She: Shut up….(rubbing her tears) Go get lost. I don’t want to talk to you.( half laughing)
He:All right… alright …my baby’s laughing… ok ok… Smiling?.. yea yea!! (pulling her cheeks)
She: I hate you!
He: I love you too!
She:Huh…! Loafer!
He:Naah… just flirting around…(winks)
She:Loafer!! Duffer! Dodo!!
He:Yea, yea whatever..(laughs)
She:Shut up..
He:Coffee?
She:Yes…
He:Go make it..
She:huh!!

What they said to each other, what they felt, was just among themselves. Just so secret, that often even they did not know what they were sayin to each other.
Who would ever not want to be so innocentlyin love? So innocently that they themselves knew not what it was? Or even if they knew, they would say not what it was…


She:You , loafer, I wanna have some ice cream
He:No
She:Yes!
He:You’ve got flu..
She:So..??
He:So I had to pick you up from your place.
She: So..?
He:I am taking care of you.
She:So…??
He:So what!!! ?? No ice cream! That is it!
She:What nonsense…
He:You..
She:Shut up…(looks at him angrily)
He: (keeps staring at her) I could… Only if you promise you would sit like this, infront of me, forever.
She: (glances at him.)What?
He: (regaining his senses) No.. what?? Oh.. nothing..
She:Mad ..?
He: (laughs) Yepp..
She: I knew, I knew! Hehehe..
He: You sure you know…?
She: Evn if you don’t say it.. I know…( lowers her eyes, smiles)
He :Nice… (realises something) (Slaps her lightly on her cheeks) Wake up!
She: Only if you wake me up…
He:(glances at her)What?
She:(regaining her senses)No….nothing…

But how long, could they both, hold in an obvious secret? The knew each other so well, that they knew it too, that they were hiding a sweet little secret, with perfection unmatched.
And what more? They both were in collaboration! But now, words, somehow changed their route from eyes to lips.

He:Ever thought of a candel light dinner?
She:With?
He:Amm..Well anybody..
She: No..
He:Why?
She: I don’t know..You?
He: Yes..
She: (brightens up) Who who??tell me!
He: Someone..
She: Duffer, who??
He: Told you , someone…
She: Tch! Tell me!
He: You..
She: We had it already! Don’t remember? That day? Lights went off?
He: Yes, and you fell on me.. (laughs)
She:Yes.. and you didn’t utter a word!
He:How could I ? It wa a dream come true..
She: What? Lights going off?
He: Naah… you won’t get it.
She: Me falling on you?
He: (smiles) Perhaps..
She: Why?? Huh! What was so funny in that?
He: Not funny you dodo! It was nice.
She: How come?
He:I got the touch of your face, for the first time.
She : (lowers her eyes) amm.. oh. Ok..(shy)
He: Hey, what happened?(pushes her)
She:Nothing..
He: You look gorgeous..
She:Loafer.!
He: No.. really.
She:Yea?
He: Yes..
Will you let me hug you once?
She: I am surprised! You’re asking me? (goes ahead to hug him)
He : (Stops her) (looks into her eyes) Mind being with me forever? Just like this? (hugs her)
She: (hug him) (looks at him) Loafer…. What happened?
He: Nothing except that, I realised that I have never flirtedwith anybody else than you..
She : (shrugs off..) Oh, so you want a girl friend? Go ahead.. Go to other girls. I won’t mind.
He: You would..
She: You really wanna go? (almost crying)
He: I want a wife..
She: Oh ..ok… good.
He: I don’t plan to flirt with anybody else. I don’t plan to even look at anybody else. But somehow, I wanna know, does looking at just one girl , wanting her and loving her make you a loafer?
She :What? No! That is love!
He: Who is it for me then? Ten hours a day you are with me. Rest of the day I am either a work, or sleeping. So?
She: So?
He : Would you be there forever?
She: Of course…….But why?
He: Why..?
She:Yea..
He: Coz, I look at you. I like to. I listen to you speak endless. You make no sense. But I like it. Coz, I need you to be here even when you are sick. And I want you to be here all the time. Coz, I wanna flirt around, just with you. Coz I wanna be the only man you trip down on. Coz I wanna be the only person, who you would hug so dearly . Coz, I wanna be your loafer, for life….
She: Coz you wanna be my husband….
He: No.. Coz I already am.. But wanna confirm it.. (winks)
She: Loafer…
He: Only for you.. (hold her close to him) Say it once na duh! (smiles) I love you silly girl!
She : (blushes)(smiles) Me too.. I love you too loafer..
He:So, you’re my wife?
She: You’re my husband… so what else can I be to you?(winks)
He : Hmmm.. coffee?
She: You make it!
He: Oh yes! Why not? Day one eh! (laughs)
She:Practice..practice…(winks)

They got married formally , three months after that. And now, they stayed together always.

He: You know what? You are stupid!
She: What?Why?
He: Coz, …..I love you.
She: (smiles) You are more stupid than I am…
He: Yeah?
She: Yeah.. I love you na!
He :Yeah.yeah..
She: (hugs him) Yeah…
He: Awww… my wife… love you(kisses her)

They had so much love to give each other. But somehow this love, was not enough to give them a child. She, could not be a mother. It was diagonised, when even after two years of marriage, they did not have a baby.
But, the sacred enigma, that life is! It has plans, knitted for every soul. Every blessed soul.
Before this, she had never found herself, so much in love with someone.
And never before did she feel so incomplete. But when, the person you are married to is all that makes you complete, how can you keep the enigma an edge far.

One evening,

He: Coffee?
She: (in a dead tone) Yes. I made it.
He:Eh! Of course! Hey , but come, lets make it again.
She :No. It is ok. We have enough of it in the flask.
He:Dodo….(looks at her) I am here. With you.
She :(almost crying) So what do I do now? (crying) Why….me lord!
He: You know something?
She:What?
He:I am not my parents child.
She :(startled) What?
He: Yes. They had adopted me. When I was a small kid. I don’t know if mom loved me. But I am sure dad didn’t. He left me to my mom’s parents. They loved me. So, here I am.
She: (looks at him) Baby..? Baby…. You know it all? (crying) (hugs him)
He: I know it all. So.? Am I crying like you dodo?
She:But…
He:But what?
She: No…
He: Yes. We will bring out child home soon. And we will love him or her . A lot. We will. You trust me love?
She: (breaks down crying) I love you…
He: I love you too..

Enigma. That is life.
Hey Don’t me. I just allowed a sneak peak. And, the rest is their life. Just think , if life, just a part of it, looks so beautiful, how enigmatic is life for real?

How?

Somethings just tend you make you feel terrible, only when you thought you could begin to feel good. But then, handling such times, depends upon , how many such times have you handled before this . At times, I become rigid, do not let any little or big thing affect me in any way. But , now, I feel like letting myself free! How? .
I want to ease out for a change! Want to take everything lightly, and in my stride. And not just do it to show some pests that I can ignore them, but actually do it. Do it with sense and meaning.And also with reality. Say, how about smiling at a person you dislike, and actually mean to be nice?.. or may be, cook the dinner , and make it very very tasty!! And the only person to eat it , would be you...? Not that serving others is bad, but then, .. I want to do something just for myself! Just and only for myself!!
May be, dance in the rain like a frenzy creature, then take pictures and laugh at myself!
Or may be, drink a hell lot of sugar less coffee and be happy with it!! And making chocolate face packs , using then generously !! Gorging on dark chocs!! Dipping my full hands into buckets of chocolate sauce!!, then licking my own hands off!!! Then may be, mix the entire jar of strawberry jelly with vanilla ice cream!! Yummmmmyy!!
Then take numerous tours of my own home singing the same song over a million times!!
Then bathe in water with my favorite oils, and feel absolutely gorgeous! (i don't know what made me say that)....
Then with my hair half wet, I would put on my favorite black dress in light synthetic.. put on just a little lip gloss and some kohl "!! And then innocently stand in my veranda, munching on my snackies!!



So, that is HOW~!!!